Welcome Back Sexy Readers! Hope you had excellent holidays and co-op terms, and that many sexy parties were had by all.
It’s time for another great term here in the halls of UW, mind you the halls are mostly under construction these days. Yes, things sure are different since I was a youngling in 1A, but thats so far away now that I can hardly remember it from all the way over here in 4B. Which brings me to another point, I need a successor! Like Dangerman before me, and Lowrider before him, and countless others before them, my time here has drawn to a close and the satire page will soon sit satire-less. So put on your writing underpants and take up your keyboards! It’s always fun to write for the IW. What was I saying before that? Right, my things are different rant. So much has changed here since I was a frosh, but not once has anyone consulted me on what I might like the university money to be spent on. Nobody bothered to take even one of my great ideas and turn it into a reality. So in the style of old peoples, and as an homage to G.C. the following is just a list of things that are making me Grump:
1) Not enough escalators. Seriously, how am I supposed to walk up 4 flights of stairs with my books in this day and age? They even made the stairs in E5 LOOK like escalators, without bothering to put in the mechanical escalating bits.
2) Not enough slides. There are grand total of zero slides anywhere in the engineering quad. The only one that even comes close is the one that we build during frosh week, but stairs are tricky, and I don’t like them. We need more slides.
3) Not Enough Vending Machines. I’m old, and I don’t like going to the basement of RCH to get my noms when the C&D is closed. Not only that, but there isn’t any prune juice in the drink machines! How am I supposed to stay healthy without my prune juice?
4) Not Enough lasers. There needs to be more futuristic pew pew pew going on around here. UW needs to start building giant laser buildings made entirely of light and pew. That way, we’ll be able to learn at the speed of light. And Lasers just look cool.
5) Not Enough Psi. By now, according to any science fiction work, we should be seeing the latent psychic ability of the general population emerging. But it’s not here! UW needs to build additional pylons to help with this. Maybe they could throw a cell tower on top to manage phone traffic as well.
There are a lot more ways that this university could improve its look and feel, but the above will be a start. I don’t want to collect my pension tomorrow and hear about how things are just as boring as always. In conclusion, I’m old and grumpy. It’s 3pm and I’m going to bed.
Until next time, Stay Sexy!
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