In an effort to promote green space on campus, the newly renovated flooring in POETS will consist entirely of turf. As of press time, there are very few details about this development or how much this will cost since The Tin Soldier is depending on a non-existent tip from a non-existent committee. The source specified that attempts will be made to make sure that the floor is properly layered emphasizing that it will be unlike a certain football field.
Our source suggests that they believe that Engineering Students are not getting enough fresh, oxygenated air due to “excessive time spent in computer labs, lectures and research labs.” Furthermore, to ensure the maintenance of the grass and other plants, the ceiling and roofing of POETS will also be completely redesigned to allow natural light inside. Although this has already caused multiple complaints from engineering students, including one student who was overheard saying “It burns!!!” The Tin Soldier was told that this should help remediate students’ deficiencies in Vitamin D.
The design is also hoped to promote romantic, magical picnics, moonlit dates and star-gazing to encourage more girls to take interest in engineering. It was revealed in the recently released Vision 2010 Report that the proportion of women in the undergraduate student body has been decreasing.
It has also been suggested that many different plants will flourish in this new environment. Among the plants that will be grown will be mother-in-law’s-tongue, naked-lilies and bosom orchids (random fact: orchid is Greek for testicle). Although weeds may become an expensive issue, the managers are hoping to make a benefit from the sale of their crops, including ripened, fertilised plant ovaries (also known as “fruits”). The students are looking forward to intimately studying the development of microorganisms behind large bushes. Curves (including growth curves) are known to be of great interest to engineering students.
Although a final re-opening date for POETS is currently unknown, it is tentatively set for April 1st. In honour of the newly established fertile-space, the redesigned lounge will be named SOD-ETS. We are still unsure as to what the new acronym is supposed to stand for, although current suggestions include Shit On Desks Everywhere Tomorrow’s Saturday and Sex On Demand- Engineers Treating Stress. More news is expected to be released with the next issue of The Tin Soldier.
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