Hello Sexy Readers!
Welcome to the final article of the term. I hope you all had a marvelous set of midterms and are getting ready for final exams. I know I’m excited for September and a brand new term. It’s time now for another installment of Sexy Times with Chad Sexington. This Issue: Time. Is there enough of it in the day? How can you maximize your time? And has anyone seen my keys?!
Time is a funny thing, the taste of it, the smell of it, the texture of it, the feeling you get when you spend a lot of it. I love time so much I even lost my watch in an unfortunate mishap with a grandfather clock. For one thing, it seems like there are never enough hours in the day. Does this happen to you? I’m sure it does. Ever notice that there isn’t enough time for all the things you’d like to be doing, like sleeping, or sleeping, and sometimes sleeping? Alas, the 24 hour clock leaves much to be desired in fulfilling your daily dose of time for yourself, but never fear, let’s do anything but waste more of it. It’s time for Chad Sexington’s top five time management tips. Allons-y!
1) Time Travel. Yes I know you’ve mastered moving at 1 second per second in the forward direction. But think of all the energy you could save if you could use each second for 2 things, or even 3? By travelling backwards in time (time machine not included) and working together with yourself, the two of you can optimize your task completion by doing multiple things at once, or helping each other with your homework assignments. Just don’t get distracted by staring at yourself, since that can lead to a permanent paradox of attractiveness.
2) Do everything faster. This one is pretty simple, just do things twice as fast as you normally do. For example, by running everywhere you go, you’ll save heaploads of time for yourself. Every second counts (twice if you do this right), so try using acronyms, abbreviations, writing every second word, eating every meal as though it’s a competition, and driving like you’re Mr. Schumacher to maximize your time consumption, because sooner or later the government’s going to find ways to tax you on it.
3) Engage in boring situations. Nothing slows down time like a little bit of vector calculus or some 1850’s literature. If you keep your textbooks open and in front of you all the time, and make a conscious effort to pretend to read them, every second will seem like an eternity. Think of all you could do with 86400 eternities! This point has a corollary of avoiding exciting times like parties and spending time with sexy people, as time moves twice as fast during those situations.
4) Eliminate the need to sleep. Just stop sleeping. Most of you are there already, why not quit entirely? Try it.
5) Cut back on your to-do lists and shorten action items to only the bare essentials. If you immediately cross off even 1 item on your current to-do list, you’ve just saved yourself five minutes of headache. Try it today, by not even making a list. You should find you have time for everything you’ve ever wanted to do.
6) See above.
Good luck on your exams my sexy readership. I hope that you are able to use these time mgmt tips (see, it works) to your best ability, and save yourself a lot of hardship this exam season. I know you’ll all be the best that you can be.
Until next term,
Stay Sexy!
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