How To Succeed In The Workplace

Editor`s Note: This is the first part in a series of three humourous articles on how to `succeed` in workplace. It does not represent actual engineering conduct.

Part One: NEVER take on full responsibility.

By playing the game from the shadows you assure that when shit falls, it doesn’t fall on you.  It is key that when the boss asks for someone to spear-head a project or complete some type of large task you be very selective as to what you agree to.  The main goal is to get credit with minimal effort.

For example; Mr. Johnson, you stern boss has requested someone to form a tender for a large project.  Do you volunteer?  WRONG.  You do / don’t volunteer.  You wait for someone else to react, and then once they are committed, you also volunteer.  See scenario below.

Mr. Johnson looked down at his employees with distress as he paced the front of the conference room.  He looked as though he had slept very little in the past weeks, and his usual elegant suit looked wrinkled and dull.  He swiped the sweat from his forehead, placed his bulky hands on the conference table and with what seemed great exhaustion utters, “Alright guys, we are somewhat hurting for work right now and things aren’t looking good, but there is a large proposal that I need done and done well for next Thursday for a $100 million  dollar job, who’s my man?”

The room grew with excitement and angst; this proposal, if won, would be enough to sustain the company until Christmas and provide everyone with that much desired bonus.  Everyone knew that there would be a lot of pressure on this job and it would have to be done right. There was no room for error.  The project managers of the company exchanged uneasy looks, as they knew what one of them would have to do.  Finally, after what seemed like hours, Marvin Hansen, an experienced PM raised his hand as to volunteer, but it was roughly at the same time that Steven Markham slowly raised his hand after Hansen.

Mr. Johnson, looked at the two men, and asked “Who’s taking the lead on this?”  To which Markham replied, “Oh, well is Hansen wants to do it he can, I’m working on closing the Peterson account right now anyways, but I can definitely assist him with it.”  Hansen returns with a “that sounds great to me!”

Mr. Johnson seemed as though a weight had been lifted off his shoulders and was happy to see that two of his best men were going to be working on the proposal.

Let’s Discuss

Why does this work?  Well for starters, Mr. Johnson should recognize the fact that Markham (you) volunteered in the first place, but he knows that you won’t be working on it fully, that’s Hansen’s job.  Now, you are covered on both sides; should things not work out Hansen will have hell to pay, he was the leader after all. Where were you? You got caught up closing the Peterson account .  But, if things go well, you were right in there, weren’t you champ?  Hansen (likely being a team player kind of guy) will thank you and make sure you get some of the credit, and Mr. Johnson takes the two of you out for a nice lunch and perhaps that nice Christmas bonus will come with some extra stuffing.

You get into the good books, and stay out of the bad.

Tune into the next issue for Part 2 of How to succeed in the workplace.