Environmentalism is the Bomb

Note: This article is hosted here for archival purposes only. It does not necessarily represent the values of the Iron Warrior or Waterloo Engineering Society in the present day.

Remember global warming? That big theory that emerged way back in the 90’s that no doubt changed the way the public thinks about the environment, as well as the faces of the people who fight for it. It’s not all hippies and fundamentalists, oh no. It’s celebrities, politicians, public figures, and hippies and fundamentalists with non-fat lattes and haircuts. Regardless of who’s talking about it, global warming has no doubt become one of those social topics that’s been around long enough that it’s starting to become white noise, especially when up against newer, cooler fears, like the recession, the H1N1 pandemic that’s bound to happen eventually, and that TTC worker who always seems to be asleep. But amongst all the dying hype, you’d be surprised to hear who’s talking about climate change these days.
Enter Osama Bin Laden, everyone’s favorite international terrorist tyrant – leader of the fundamentalist group Al Qaeda and responsible for astronomical destruction, including the 9/11 attacks back in 2001.  The 17th son of 50 children, at least according to most sources, even Freud would say “he has issues.” He’s a man in his mid-50’s on dialysis, yet in the business of hiding from Americans he makes Waldo look like a fat man trying to hide behind a toothpick.  His face can be recognized from his twisted equivalent of a video blog that he posts over the Al-Jazeera network where he calmly speaks of death to Americans via his myriad of awful planned disasters. However, his latest clip has shown a slight change of pace.
On Friday, January 29th a new audiotape surfaced on the network in which Bin Laden described himself as a “believer in climate change.”  In the second recording from the leader this week, he speaks out against developed countries for continuing to mass-produce greenhouse gas emissions along with other pollutants even after signing onto the Kyoto Accord.  At the very least Bin Laden checks his facts, as the United States stayed out of Kyoto despite heavy criticism, and he made a note of this in the video. He goes on to state, “George Bush Jr., preceded by [the US] congress, dismissed the agreement to placate giant corporations. And they are themselves standing behind speculation, monopoly and soaring living costs.” This seemingly flawless logic and reason is also accompanied by the cry for the global economy to stop using the US dollar, and praise for the political analysis of Noam Chomsky, just to keep the young people interested.
But wait, it gets better. In keeping with the American tradition of “one-upping” your predecessor, regardless of the complications, news of this media release set conservative, anti-Energy Plan news groups a-flurry.  The right-wing blog Drudge Report was all over this little snippet and it also got some airtime on Fox News. The outrageous statement title, however has to go to the Conservative website RedState, which asked, “What is the difference between Bin Laden and Al Gore?”  Thought provoking as always.
But not to fear America, for your great leaders show no sign of concern regarding this latest message. Typically when the head of an international terrorist organization starts bad mouthing your country, regardless of the reason, one would think that this could possibly be classified as a cause of concern.  Not in the great US of A, where State Department spokesman Philip Crowley was quoted as saying, “So we’ve gone from being the ‘Great Satan’ to the ‘Great Emitter.’  …. He’s working hard to stay relevant.  That’s all I can say.” So only socially relevant figures are threats now in the States? Someone tell Bin Laden that he needs to relocate to Cupertino and start publishing his audiotapes on something with a touch screen, then he’ll be taken seriously.
Security threat or not, the message is adequately timed. In his state of the union address this past week, President Barack Obama promised to incorporate two Republican house favorites into his “Clean Energy Plan,” expanding offshore drilling and building more nuclear plants. I assume these additions come with complementary air quotations. At the very least, Bin Laden will do an admiral job of screwing with the President by getting all of the Republicans riled up while Obama is trying to push through much tougher environmental legislation that isn’t sitting well with the Republican side to begin with.  The White House is doing what it can to reduce greenhouse gas emissions, but it won’t be enough nor will it reach the goals and expectations set out by Obama unless Congress follows suit. Regardless of the final outcome, it has become yet another entertaining act in the perpetual saga of the United States dragging its heels on the environment issue, and it promises more to come.

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