M&Ms are superior to Smarties, in nearly every possible way. This is not merely a half-remembered opinion, no, this is the result of an intensive HCI (Human-Candy Interaction) study involving two people and six varieties of candy. M&Ms are more memorable, more iconic, and available in greater flavours than Smarties. Of the five flavours of M&Ms I have tried, all of them additionally had a better taste and mouthfeel than Smarties.
However before plunging into the merits of individual M&M flavours, let’s consider some general facts about Smarties. First of all, Smarties are NOT Skittles. Sometimes people confuse the two in discussions of candy superiority, which is definitely a poor omen for Smarties. Skittles are a fine confection in their own right, but are devoid of chocolate: instead they are fruit-flavoured. Smarties and M&Ms are both candy-coated chocolate, and thus are a more direct competition.
Smarties are very thin and crunchy. The candy layer of each Smartie is so thick, that there is hardly any chocolate at all. But if I didn’t want to eat chocolate anyway, then why wouldn’t I buy the fruitier, tangier, chewier Skittles? Alas, unlike Skittles or M&Ms, Smarties are little more than glorified sugar cubes.
Smarties also do not have a glyph printed on each candy. M&Ms of course have their iconic “m” on each individual piece, and Skittles have an “s”. Smarties have no such symbol: they are just unadorned coloured discs. Obviously Skittles have already taken “s”, but why not have a picture of a brain, or the entire word “Smartie” written in a small font? No, instead Smarties remain indistinguishable from whatever other imitators happen to come along.
M&Ms are available in a much greater variety than Smarties, another feature to M&Ms’ flavour and Smarties’ detriment. The “regular” M&Ms are already much better than their Nestle-spawned counterparts. They have a higher CCR (chocolate-candy ratio) than Smarties, because of their larger interior and thinner outer layer. Thus the regular M&Ms have a richer chocolate taste and less sickly sweet candy than the Smarties.
Connoisseurs of crunchiness may prefer the peanut M&Ms, which are also superior to Smarties. The peanut taste overpowers the chocolate a little, but that’s still better than Smarties, which allow the taste of candy to overpower chocolate instead. The peanut M&Ms have a crunchy peanut on the inside, rather than the crunchy candy shell on the outside of a Smartie: that’s a much better mouthfeel right there. Peanut M&Ms are also much thicker and longer than Smarties: much more fun to look at.
Another nutty choice is the almond M&M, which is quite similar to the peanut M&M, except with almonds. Some almond M&Ms have an interesting teardrop shape, once again more cool to look at than Smarties. It is a testament to the power of M&Ms that they can make eating almonds enjoyable. Smarties can’t do that, which is probably why almond M&Ms have lower sugar and higher protein than an equal weight of Smarties. And let’s be real: you won’t even miss the sugar.
Perhaps the strangest and most daring of the M&Ms is the Jalapeno-peanut M&M, which for the first second of consumption seems identical to the peanut M&M. However each individual glob of jalapeno-flavoured, candy-coated, chocolate-drowned peanut leaves behind a spicy aftertaste. Has there ever been a Smarties flavour so innovative, so rebellious, so unconventional? Not in my local Short Stop. Despite their material shape, the Smarties are all a bunch of squares, content to live within the rules, think inside the box and prolong the status quo.
All the prior M&M flavours are superior to Smarties, but there is one more that truly stands out. It is not merely delicious, but absolutely divine. I am of course referring to the peanut butter M&M, not to be confused with the peanut M&M. Each peanut butter M&M is filled with extremely creamy peanut butter. The salty butter, the savoury peanut, the sweet chocolate and the firm outer candy coating combines to create the greatest snack ever invented. You simply cannot imagine it, until you have felt it: the way that it is both buttery smooth and solidly firm, simultaneously. For so many years I have wondered about the great philosophical questions: why do we exist? What is the good life? What is the nature of good and evil? Well, at long last, I have the answer. Move aside, Shrek: peanut butter M&Ms are love, peanut butter M&Ms are life. Heaven exists right here on Earth, in the humble form of a candy-coated chocolate. All of civilisation, all of human history, was created with the aim of bringing the peanut butter M&M into being. After millennia of struggle, your Savior has arrived. Don’t just gobble it down, no, enjoy it, savour the dance of the flavours upon your tongue and know that your life, at long last, is complete.
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