In Russia, Election Vote You (for Putin) — > honestly this is just a placeholder for a title

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Posted on: March 24, 2018

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Russia startles the world on March 18, 2018 by re-electing Vladimir Putin as President with a mere 76.6% of the vote, casting doubts as to whether the incumbent president still had the confidence of his people to implement his daring agenda of corruption, espionage, and strong-arming.  Pollsters had predicted a stronger show of support on election day; however, it seemed that many of Putin’s campaign actions, including the attempted assassination of double agent Sergei Skripal and his daughter Yulia with a top-secret nerve agent, failed to resonate with the public and stoke voters into action.

This is sure to be a startling blow to Russia at a time when Putin seems to be strengthening alliances with fellow deeply democratic countries.  As it stands, Putin is now the leader with the lowest voter support out of fellow allies: China (where Xi Jinping is so beloved he was elected to another term with 99% of the Chinese Parliament’s support) and North Korea (where Kim Jong-Un was elected in his region unanimously).  Even Bashar Al-Assad, a closer Russian ally and President of Syria, won his last election with 88.7% of the vote in the middle of a civil war.

However, spokesmen for Putin’s All-Russia People’s Front party were quick to dissuade this notion. “The people of Russia have been very clear,” stated current Prime Minister, former President, and chief Putin puppet Dimitry Medvedev. “The only true leader of Russia is Vladimir Putin.  Now, if you will just follow me into this unmarked army truck….”

Message from the newspaper: If anyone has information regarding the whereabouts of our Russia correspondent, please contact INTERPOL.

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