People outraged over Hamilton coming to Toronto

MC Hammer - 2U Can't Touch This
Posted on: March 25, 2017

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Yes, you read that correctly. Earlier this week it was announced that Hamilton will be coming to Toronto and people are losing their shi…. shirts?

For a long time now, Toronto has been slowly enveloping the surrounding cities and townships and bringing them under the umbrella of “Greater Toronto Area”, but Toronto’s time about to come to an end. “We’re all sick of this Toronto thing, no one likes them anyway,” said Mississauga resident Brent Holmwood at a recent Enough With Toronto Rally. Ellis James of Brampton added “More like Greater Than Toronto Area”.

In recent years, people have started to dislike the fame Toronto has been receiving, especially following Drake’s continued success and the Raptor’s turning into a decent NBA team and they’ve had enough of Toronto’s smugness. A joint effort has been raised to find a new city to get behind, and Hamilton with its world-class university and affordable housing prices, has come out on top as the city to beat now.

After an official online vote by residents of the GTA and surrounding cities, it was decided that Hamilton would be taking over Toronto and all the neighbouring suburbs would be relabeled Hamilton’s Additional Districts or HAD for short. An official statement by Hamilton’s mayor Fred Eisenburg was released last night saying “We are all thrilled by the news that Hamilton has won this competitive bid to replace Toronto. Watch out Torontonian’s, Hamilton is coming for you”.

The people of Toronto have proven to be very offended by this back-stabbery “It’s utter nonsense, Hamilton will not come to Toronto under my watch”, Mayor John Tory was quoted as saying. Will the apathetic hipsters raise a hand to stop Hamilton destroying their aesthetic? TBD