Five Things You Want to Know

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Posted on: November 23, 2016

*** The Tin Soldier is intended to be a humorous and entertaining look at issues and events at the University of Waterloo. As such articles should not be taken to represent real events or opinions, and they should not be associated with the University of Waterloo staff or administration in any way. Any similarities to real world events, people or corporations is purely coincidental – or non-coincidental but meant in an entirely joking manner.***

Running is good for your memory

Are you ever just walking to class, and you forget where you are? The world is spinning, your head is spinning, and you’re only four cups of coffee into your morning. Take it from me: start running. It’ll help with blood circulation, and you might even remember where you were supposed to be going. Even if you don’t, at least you’ll get there faster.

Names are unnecessary

You know those awkward situations when you meet someone? Ya, I hate those situations. Like come on, we’re engineers here. Why do we have to meet people? And then they ask your name, which I have never understood the purpose of. I usually just stand there like “I have a name. My parents picked it out for me when I was born. It’s a girl’s name, too.” And then they just stand there and I stand there and after a couple minutes of standing there, I remember my name and I tell them. And then they just walk away because people aren’t supposed to take that long to remember their own name.

Cream is to coffee like sugar is to tacos

Imagine biting into a delicious taco, taste buds savouring the meat and salsa and melted cheese, only to find that it is sweet. What is this? Who would ruin a taco with such an abominable addition as sweetener? Blasphemy, I tell you, blasphemy.

This is the same as adding cream to coffee. It is, simply put, disgusting. Coffee was meant to be consumed black, no exception. If you are one of those strange individuals who ruins their coffee with cream, we can’t be friends.

Dreams are easily confused with reality

Don’t you hate when you go off on someone about something they did, but they didn’t actually do it? Or when you don’t print someone’s article because you don’t know whether they emailed it to you, or you just imagined it? Or when you postpone printing their comic for four issues? JK no I don’t #NoRegrets

Why are you offended

I guess you could say I have a high tolerance for rude humour. At least, that’s one way of putting it.