Tin Soldier

Apple Releases Special Edition Gold Watch

Note: This article is hosted here for archival purposes only. It does not necessarily represent the values of the Iron Warrior or Waterloo Engineering Society in the present day.

A spokesman for Apple has hinted that a new, secret edition of the Apple watch will be released on Easter. The watch will resurrect Steve Jobs (PBUH) in the form of low-density carbonized particles embedded in a gold matrix.

It appears that soon after his Ascendency, the remains of the inventor were subjected to heat and pressure until they became pure carbon. The carbon particles were made into an alloy with the purest gold, and now a select few can be wearing the remains of Jobs (PBUH) close to their bodies.

Wearing the watch will apparently produce beneficial side-effects, such as an increase in self-value, savvy business ideas, and perpetual intercourse with the Ascended Jobs (PBUH). There are also reports that the watch will be able to ward off all Microsoft products, and that contact with the watch will heal a broken iPhone.

Analysts suggest that prices will begin at one soul.

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