Dear Martha,
I have a friend who’s extremely toxic and I know I should drop her. But my friend group consists of 4 people including me. If I cut her out I’ll at best have 2 friends, and at worse case they’ll all take her side and I’ll have no friends. What should I do?
Signed,
Nemo the Cat
Hey Nemo the Cat,
Great to hear from you! Although it is hard to cut off a bad friend, it is much harder having to put time and energy into a relationship you know is bad and will not work. It is very much worth it to leave them in the dust and find new people. As for your other 2 friends, if they choose to back up the toxic one, they either haven’t come to the same realization as you, or they are just as bad as her. It isn’t going to be easy being on your own at first, but I promise it is so much better than dealing with fake friends, and you’ll find better people who you can surround yourself with.
Hey Martha,
I have a group of friends I have had since grade 1 and I’ve been thinking of trying to make a new friend on my own, separate from this group. Do you think they would be offended, or maybe I’m making a mistake? I’ve never had any problems in the group, they are super genuine and fun. I just have a feeling maybe I should branch out.
I look forward to hearing back,
Elmo
Thanks for reaching out, Elmo!
It’s so nice to hear that there are still people with such long lasting friendships out there. I don’t think there’s any problem with wanting some new people in your life! It absolutely does not take away from the friends you currently have; you are allowed to have different friends that don’t have any crossover. If your friends get offended or give you a hard time they might be scared of change, the possibility of losing you. You guys have been friends for so long, it might feel different without you around as much. Make sure you talk to them and reassure them that you guys are still going to be friends.
Martha,
I need help! I recently came to the realization that I am a little bit of a pick me and don’t have any girl friends. I have a big group of 7 guy friends that I hang out with, but I am starting to feel like they don’t really like me all that much. They never invite me out, and I can’t tell if they bully me because I’m their friend, or if they are just mean. I want to change and become better, maybe even have a few girls who I can really call my friends.
Thanks,
Francine Frensky.
What’s up Francine!
I’m so glad you are coming to this realization (boys are gross anyway), but here’s some tips you can use. If you want to keep the guys as friends you can start changing the way you interact with them: less validation seeking, and back off on wanting to hang out all the time. If they don’t like you, you will know… you will never hear from them again. However, if you back off and they still reach out, chances are they see you as a friend, and you can decide if you want to continue that. If you want to leave entirely just do it, they’re guys, they won’t care in the same way and might not even notice until it’s been months, so don’t be afraid. There are also plenty of girls out there who have been through this and it’s okay. When you do find yourself friends with some girls, think before you do, it’s very easy to fall back into pick me behavior and compete with them for whatever reason you feel necessary. You can do it, I believe in you!
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