Wat up ma peeps? Y’all getting hungry? Good, cuz I’ve been slaving over the stove all day like it’s Kim Kardashian’s body. And you know fo sure that my shit’s good. Ya man, like always I didn’t buy any new crap, didn’t measure my ingredients or bank account, and didn’t let any of this mo-fo good food go to waste.
So my son was asking for something damn good to eat. Like real home cooked Chicago food. Man, he’s a saint. Like you can’t refuse my little man. He’s the king. We’re teaching him to be a rapper and he’s damn good. Now I don’t really know how to make any of my mom’s good recipes. My mom has the best damn recipes in the world. No your mama doesn’t have a thing on my mama. My mama could whip your mama one-handed with her rolling pin while mixing the best cake you’d ever eat. She’s so strong, she can’t even get AIDS. Take that government, you can’t beat one old lady. But you’re not eating my mom’s cake. That’s my cake. You don’t get my cake unless you’re my friend. And you don’t chose if you’re my friend. I choose my friends. I’m an individual. This is my cake man.
But if you need a snack in the middle of the day, I’ve got you covered. Just get yourself some corn meal. This shit is the best. It’s like goddamn god food. It’s basically flour but made of corn and shit. Like my daughter said, this shit is the bomb. She’s got a damn good way with words. Like a more northern Shakespeare. But I mean really, she’s more like Shakespeare’s daughter in the FLESH! You can make anything out of it. Like you find a recipe online, and it takes flour. But you don’t have flour. That’s cool man. Just use corn meal. And you know that crap on the bottom of your Pizza Hut box? Like the little yellow balls? I think that’s corn meal too. It’s good.
Anyway, so I dump some of this corn meal in a bowl. And then you start adding shit to it. Like, corn meal is good and all, but I got some flour. That goes in. That’s good shit. And I guess I’m making bread or something. You use flour to make bread. You can use a lot of shit to make bread. You can use like crickets or mealworms and shit. But anyway then I’m thinking, and it’s like, bread has liquid and shit in it. So I get some milk. And I get some eggs. And you need baking powder and vinegar to make good bread. But I’m looking for something spicier, so I add some paprika. And then I’m thinking, I need some sugar. Sugar is sweet, just like my beautiful wife. So I go looking for some sugar, but we’re all out. And I mean, I’m not going to the damn neighbours. They hate me. They don’t respect me. They think I should be their servant! But then I’m feeling like I’m on a higher plane. Like, I got this shit.
So I’m through my pantry, and I thinking, I just want some sweet shit. So I see some brown sugar and shit. And the brown sugar is old and clumpy. But I’m like, that’s cool. So I add this brown sugar, mix it all up, and then put it in the oven. And I’m thinking, this is going to work. When my bread’s done, I take it out and I give it to my family and shit, and they are like “Damn, this is good.” So that’s how you make bread out of corn, bro. It’s super cheap, and damn good if you just got bankrupted by the goddamn government.
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