Tin Soldier

Despite “Prison” of Modern Society, Californian Romantic Finds Love

Note: This article is hosted here for archival purposes only. It does not necessarily represent the values of the Iron Warrior or Waterloo Engineering Society in the present day.

*** The Tin Soldier is intended to be a humorous and entertaining look at issues and events at the University of Waterloo. As such articles should not be taken to represent real events or opinions, and they should not be associated with the University of Waterloo staff or administration in any way. Any similarities to real world events, people or corporations is purely coincidental – or non-coincidental but meant in an entirely joking manner.***

Charles Manson, 80, permanently residing in Corcoran, California in government housing, was issued a marriage licence on 7 November to wed Afton Elain Burton, 26.

“Y’all can know that it’s true,” Burton told the AP. “It’s going to happen.”

Manson was born in 1934 in Cincinnati, Ohio, and he travelled a lot in his childhood, eventually settling in California. Like most of us, Manson has a history of being unlucky in love. In 1955, he married Rosalie Jean Willis, a hospital waitress. In 1959, a year after they divorced, he married Leona Rae “Candy” Stevens. This, too, wasn’t meant to last. “Candy always felt like she was ‘prostituting’ her way through life,” Manson reminisced. “She wasn’t happy, even with our marriage.”

After his second marriage ended, Manson put his heart into his work. He made a “killing” in the San Fernando Valley in 1969 with his start-up venture, “The Family,” and gained widespread notoriety. But even then, he found he had become a “convicted felon” of contemporary life. “I was working and living with so many different people,” Manson recalled. “After my two failed marriages, I figured I’d never find the right person to be with.”

Years later, Burton learned about Manson and became fascinated. “I had to meet him!” said Burton. “I just couldn’t believe he’d accomplished so much.” Burton wanted to discuss Manson’s work with “The Family,” but fate had other plans.

The two quickly developed a strong bond. They cited their common interest in classic rock as what initially sparked an attraction. Both claim “Helter Skelter” by The Beatles as their favourite song. “I feel like that song just… speaks to me, you know?” added Manson.

From there, love quickly blossomed. Manson affectionately gave Burton the nickname “Star.” Burton talks to Manson almost every day by phone and visits him on most weekends. She’s even considering getting a tattoo to match his. Besides the large age gap, the two look just like a regular happy couple.

Regarding the wedding ceremony, Manson and his fiancée want it to be a small affair, planning to invite less than 20 guests. “We wanted to shy away from the big wedding scene,” said Manson. “It’s way too much planning, dealing with people, orchestrating… and we’ll save money, too!”

In an interview with National Post, Afton Burton’s mother, Melissa Burton, declined to comment on her daughter’s choice of husband but explained that she will not attend the wedding, buy a gift, or meet him. “In-laws, eh? You just can’t please ‘em,” Manson lamented.

As of now, the two are undecided as to whether to have kids. “I might take a stab at it,” daydreamed Manson.

Leave a Reply