Come one, come all! Read on and you will know your fortune! And it’s free. Read on, read on! The four elements of life speak to us: Fire, Earth, Water, and Air.
If your element is Fire:
With your temper today, it might be better to stay in. Do not attend any lectures, as you will blow the lecture hall and everyone in it sky high. You are experiencing an unusually severe case of anger and frustration, and controlling your inner demons has become more and more challenging of late. If you must attend a lab today, I am afraid that your experiment will fail epically and that most of your marks will be deducted for setting the zillion dollar apparatus on fire. Hope you have insurance.
If your element is Earth:
Today is a good day to try something new. Procrastinate on some schoolwork by planting genetically modified palm trees in the classroom where you have most of your lectures. You have a very green thumb, so this will be easy. Next put on your skimpiest bathing suit and set up a pool and some lounge chairs. Chant “I like to fry in the sun!” at the top of your lungs for as long as you possibly can and your celebrity crush will magically appear in their skimpiest bathing suit!
If your element is Air:
Come to the dark side. We have cookies! Today is an inspirational day. You will design the re-construction of the Death Star and kill Anakin Skywalker so that none of the other Star Wars movies could ever have happened! You have prevented the downfall of the galaxy; the Universe will thank you forever and you will be showered in glory, becoming Chancellor of the Universe. However, be careful: Make sure you memorize the breakdown voltage of the planet-destroying device, and make sure you don’t write it down, this is absolutely crucial. If you do, Marvin the Martian will find it and use the Death Star to blow up the Earth, as this is the Death Star’s default planetary target when it reaches breakdown voltage.
If your element is Water:
Today is a day to conserve your element. Save water, but do not dehydrate yourself. Be stubborn. Stop people from dehydrating their lab samples. Refrain from flushing your toilet, cleaning yourself and washing your hands. The environment will thank you. In your chem lab today, promote the use of chemicals besides water to do the clean up spills, especially if they are WHMIS classified as acutely toxic materials, toxic materials causing long-term hazardous effects, corrosive dangerously reactive materials, known carcinogens/mutagens, etc. as these are the most fun to work with!
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