After the fiasco in the past month with 750,000 going missing, the University of Waterloo has ordered an audit of every business entity that resides within campus. After this 2 week long audit, it has come to light almost every penny was accounted but there was some money that is unaccounted for from the Iron Warrior Engineering Newspaper financial books. The amount was a large sum of $5 dollars, taken and used by the Editor in Chief to supply his addiction of Arizona Ice teas. Due to the nature of the crime, the EIC was given academic probation as well as a fine of $500 charged by the courts.
Currently, the EIC is filing for an appeal because the severity of his punishment for this crime is unjust for he has no current priors but they have been denied. The basis for this judgment is they cannot allow such crimes to escalate. According to the judge, “it may be the $5 dollars now, what’s stopping them him to take another 5, 10, 20, or even hundreds more dollars spent on this sweet addiction. You do get the drift but is this fair or unfair but still an even darker truth has arisen.
The EIC is not who he actually he said he is. After a deep investigation into his background, in actuality, the EIC is a KGB sleeper agent and the theory is that he was assigned a 20 year mission to gain knowledge and insight into the Canadian Culture, infiltrate the government and steal states secrets. This has caused alarm bells to go off at parliament hill and Harper is accusing Russia and cutting all ties to them accordingly. The agent is being currently held in Guantanamo Bay, which the Americans have happily provided access to in order to question and gain more information. So remember, trust no one, even your closest friend may not be who you think he/she is.
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