Love is not all butterflies and sunshine. It alters your brain chemistry. It leads to bad decisions. Sometimes it makes you evil. Not intentionally, of course. There are easier ways to obtain a villainous outlook on life than to fall in and out of love.
Either way, love and evilness lend themselves to some nice examples of situational irony. Here’s five movies where love made good people evil, ordered by my personal preference.
Labyrinth (1986)
Sarah (Jennifer Connelly), a LARPer, is resentful at having to babysit her toddler brother Toby. The Goblin King Jareth (David Bowie) overhears her plea, kidnaps Toby and gives Sarah thirteen hours to traverse a Labyrinth and reclaim him.
Labyrinth is a cult classic. I don’t really know why, but I really wanted to know when I was watching it, so that I could enjoy it. Maybe it’s the way David Bowie plays with (levitating crystal) balls throughout the film. Maybe it’s the orgy scene in Requiem for a Dream 16 years after. Maybe it’s the mystique of late director Jim Henson, creator of the Muppets and the film Dark Crystal. I have no idea. Isn’t this movie aimed at children?
And even that point is contentious: David Bowie’s pants are way too tight. He puts Sarah through a labyrinth because he loves her and it was for her own good? The message of this movie seems to be that someone only has the power that you give to them, which you could have learned in PD7: Conflict Resolution. It’s possible this whole thing is an Aesop about abusive relationships. Or an Aesop about being careful what you wish for, or an Aesop against spending too much time LARPing. Ugh.
Movies don’t always need to have an overarching lesson, but if they’re as unentertaining and bizzare as this I expect a takeaway for my time. Watch this movie if you’re in the mood for David Bowie’s balls, puppets, and Connelly’s eyebrows because you probably won’t get anything else away from this movie.
Thor (2011)
Thor (Chris Hemsworth), prince of Asgard, son of Odin, and brother of Loki, is exiled to Earth for arrogantly upsetting the peace between the Asgardians and the Frost Giants. He lands in New Mexico and is found by physicist Jane Foster (Natalie Portman). Meanwhile, Odin falls into a godly coma, and Loki (Tom Hiddleston) discovers that he’s adopted. To compensate for not being a “real” son and to prove that he is at least the equal of Thor, Loki puts a dangerous series of plans into motion, wreaking havok across Asgard and Earth.
I felt that Thor was actually the least enjoyable of the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Natalie Portman’s character may have a PhD, but in terms of personality, she’s no Pepper Potts. Thor expresses neither the nobility of Captain America, nor the charisma of Iron Man, nor the raw power of The Hulk.
Loki and the supporting characters of SHIELD (Nick Fury, played by Samuel L Jackson; and Agent Coulson, played by Clark Gregg) are the only redeeming features of this movie. The SHIELD operatives are clever and professional. Loki exudes instability and insecurity as the black sheep of the Asgardian family, which is critical in establishing motivation. “I just want to be loved!” On a smaller scale this would have been an episode of Full House.
The Mummy (1999)
Imhotep (Arnold Vosloo) is buried alive after consorting with the Pharoah’s mistress Anck-su-Namun. Millenia later, at the turn of the 19th century, archaeologist Evelyn Carnahan (Rachel Weisz) accidentally resurrects him. Imhotep rampages across Egypt in search of his long-lost love, while Evelyn, her kleptomaniac brother (John Hannah) and adventurer Rick O’Connell (Brendan Fraser) seek to rectify their mistake.
When Arnold Vosloo was approached by director Stephen Sommers to fill the role of Imhotep, Vosloo agreed, but under the conditions that he would be allowed to play the role absolutely straight – no hamming, no knowing glances, no genre-awareness. The rationale was that Imhotep saw himself as the tragic protagonist of a skewed version of Romeo and Juliet looking for his happy ending, whereas the supporting characters and audience see him as a monster who lingers beyond his appointed time.
Alternately, you may simply enjoy The Mummy for the simple pleasures it provides. Imhotep’s reconstitution of his corporeal form by stealing parts from the living is gruesome, but effective. Weisz’s character is clumsy and delightful, but remains competent, much like Stephanie Meyer probably intended Bella to be. And Brendan Fraser chews the scenery of five actors, even when his character is about to get hanged. Who needs irony?
The Dark Knight (2008)
Bruce “Batman” Wayne (Christian Bale) faces off against the Joker (Heath Ledger). It’s difficult.
I assume most readers have already seen The Dark Knight, since it ranks #14 in worldwide box office gross, unadjusted for inflation. It was a big thing in 2008. It had some memorable scenes (the boat confrontation, the pencil scene, and the ending chase come to mind) and no obvious missteps. If you haven’t seen it already, this review won’t convince you to see it. Either way I don’t really care about spoilers at this point.
The transformation of Harvey Dent (Aaron Eckhart) into antagonist Two-Face after the death of Rachel Dawes (Maggie Gyllenhaal) is… well, tragic, as situational irony often is.
Cruel Intentions (1999)
Stepsiblings Kathyrn (Sarah Michelle Gellar) and Sebastian (Ryan Phillippe) make a wager that Sebastian will be able to seduce the headmaster’s innocent daughter, Annette (Reese Witherspoon). If Sebastian fails, then Kathyrn gets his vintage jaguar. If Sebastian succeeds, his stepsister will allow him to “put it anywhere.” Drama follows in their wake.
The most famous scene in this movie is the inconsequential makeout between Kathyrn and Cecile (Selma Blair), but I most enjoy the end sequence – where Annette ruins Kathyrn’s reputation and drives into the sunset while “Bittersweet Symphony” plays. It’s an interesting example of “love makes you evil”, because it represents a reversal of roles between the originally evil Kathyrn and good Annette. There is also a great deal of situational irony.
Is it worth the rest of the movie to get to possibly my favourite end sequence of all time? Definitely. It is self-indulgent, occasionally clever, and devoid of responsible parental supervision. Cruel Intentions is the great-grandaddy of modern rich teenager exploitation movies.
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