QNC Closes For Another 5 Years, Re-Open Maybe?

Surprise, surprise, after 5 years of anticipation and delays the Quantum-Nano Centre (QNC) has opened so that it can be closed again! So do you think you can go inside in 2013?! Well don’t get your hopes up too high, actually don’t even think that at all. After our exclusive interview with the QNC people, it turns out they have to fix more problems and add more components to the building than initially expected.
Starting with the problems; the enhanced quantum effects produced by the building have caused a great deal of problems that the architects are having difficulty getting around. But before we dive into this particular topic, I would like to mention one thing. You know how physicists have been saying it’s the electrons of matter that interact with each other, for example if you touch someone; it’s actually your electrons touching? Well turns out they were right. The enhanced quantum tunneling, being produced by the building, has caused the electrons holding the door handles to the door to constantly tunnel away. This in turn has caused all the door handles in the building to constantly fall off.
The other problem that the QNC is dealing with is money. One of the biggest donors for the QNC is the Blackberry company, Research in Motion (RIM). However, due to the current situation of the company, RIM has asked for the return of all their money. The company even went as far as saying that they will “Occupy QNC” if the wealth isn’t returned.
The last problem being currently addressed is in response to the complaints of the researching professors and supervisors. They are complaining that Bomber Wednesday is too distracting to their researching grad students. The supervisors feel that Bomber Wednesday will pull graduate students out of their labs and cause them to socialize with the rest of campus, reducing research efficiency by 6.9%. To prevent this from happening, the researching supervisors have requested a great wall to be built between the QNC and the SLC. We were told that the architect hired to build the wall is trying to seek inspiration from lasers since it resembles the personality of the school very well.
Fortunately, when the building opens up in 2017, as if, there would be some cool new additions. Firstly, due to the basement levels of the building being below the water table, researchers have requested to the exterior side walls to be changed from concrete to glass. Furthermore, they have requested the addition of fish to the water table to create an aquarium like effect. Researchers are hoping that the “Finding Nemo” type environment will provide the inspiration they need to find that missing boson, electron, etc. needed to solve their design problems.
Another addition to the QNC will be the new Iron Warrior office space. Architects have told us that the space will be made entirely out of glass to create that nice newspaper office feel. The glass idea was highly favoured by all of the IW Editors-in-Chief (EIC), past and present, including the current EIC, Farzana Yusufali, who was reported saying, “at least future IW members will know that the furniture is for sure clean.” By request of the surveyed engineering student body, the office space will even be placed on wheels and have a guard post to ensure security levels against the nearby Imprint members.
And there you have it. The architects are predicting that the implementation of these features, as well as, solving some of the current problems will take approximately ten, I mean five more years. This is kind of similar to Schrödinger’s Uncertainty Principle in the sense that we may not know when the building will be complete, but we do know our tuition money is going to good use.