1. Library Camper
An entire term of (not) learning has finally come to this. You remember doing this in high school, cramming is your specialty, right? Squeezing in 3 months of content into 2 day is not a problem at all if you stop doing those pesky everyday tasks like eating, sleeping and showering. DP is now your home base and your diet will consist of their coffee and pastries. You will read the books, you will live the books, YOU WILL BE THE BOOKS. During this period of time, you will become a sponge for all knowledge. Study like you have never studied before, ignore the pain. Just remember, there are only two more weeks till you can forget everything.
2. The Notes Thief
Somehow the computer which contains all your notes for all your classes magically crashes right be for a final exam! Oh this is a tragedy fit for Shakespeare! Your notes are Juliet and you are Romeo, the two of you were just not meant to be together. (or so you tell your friends) It’s alright, no big deal, you can always steal someone else’s Juliet, after all, there are plenty more notes- er- I mean fish in the sea. Thank god you have you social skills to fall back on! Remember that guy that you once offered a cheeto to at the beginning of the term? Time to call in the chit. Don’t worry, you got this.
3. Number cruncher
No, you are not crunching numbers for that calculus exam that you have been putting off for the past week. Your notebooks are filled with percentages and weighted averages as you attempt to figure out the question for the ages: How much do I have to get on my final exam to pass this term? The dream of that 95% average from the beginning of the term, yeah, the same one that you changed to 85% after midterms is now a flickering shadow in the distant past. As long as you pass, izgud. After all Cs get degrees! There is no point wasting all that time studying, go out and enjoy the collegiate life. Long live the hashtag #minimumeffort and good luck on getting that 104%.
4. TAKE ME TO CHURCH
Wise words sang by a wise man. You are not a religious person, and you probably never will be, but at this point you realize that you are so fucked for this term and the only way that you can possibly pass is by—a literal—miracle. And that is when you decided to hit the books. No, not your text books, the book, because who else goes around handing out miracles, I am I right? Suddenly the bible that your great aunt Bertha got you for Christmas 12 years ago is now your most prized possession. You find yourself bargaining with all that is holy above the clouds, saying things like “I swear I will go to church every Sunday if you just let me pass” (let’s be honest, you probably will not keep up your side of the bargain). Just keep on praying to God, Budda, Zeus, or whoever those scientology guys believe in bro, because praying to more than one higher power will definitely increase the chance of you passing that 8:30 you never bother showing up to.
5. F**k it all!
Congratulations, you won the award for being the most logical person here! By giving up your hopes and dreams of becoming an applied scientist (remember kids, you have to actually register to become an actual engineer), you realize that you could just use the 8 grand per term that you pay for this torture to get plastic surgery, move to Vegas and become a stripper instead. The best part about it is the fact that it would probably pay just as much as the job that you will get after your degree!
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