Canadarm Selife Stick

After the retirement of the Space Shuttle program in 2011, the Canadarm has finally found a new line of work: the selfie stick for the International Space Station. While it once maneuvered thousand-kilogram satellite components, the Canadarm now tasked with placing iPhones, Samsungs and GoPros at the right position from ISS for the perfect selfie.
According to the head of the Canadarm Re-Adaption Project, engineer and “aspiring astronaut, maybe” Narcy Suse, “the calculation of the Optimal Selfie Position (OSP) was a difficult task. The OSP must be close enough for the faces of astronauts be visible to the limited-resolution front cameras of smartphones. However, it must also far enough to avoid that horrible effect where someone takes up the entire frame.”
Spending cuts have made this the only viable option for photographing the ISS. Several satellites that would normally be up for the task require maintenance, which would in turn require a Canadarm-equipped Space Shuttle. “Someone suggested using a newly-constructed NSA satellite for photographs,” says Suse. “But that guy was reassigned to another division for unexplained reasons and never replies to my texts.”The possibility of moving the Hubble Telescope in the correct position for selfies was also considered. “That would require multiple Canadarms in formation, a Canadoctopus if you will.”
Various other organisations have been looking into using the Canadarm. The Russian space agency expressed interest in using it for maintaining scientific satellites, by affixing it to a small, permanently orbiting space station. SpaceX offered an even higher sum, seeing it as an asset for the future terra-formation of Mars. Narcy Suse’s response? “Sorry, but what is the point of widening the expanse of human understanding and colonizing faraway worlds if we cannot make sure everyone on Twitter sees what my face looks like next to the entire European continent?”