Tin Soldier

Ancient People Used to Battle Using Stone Robots

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The mysterious heads in the Easter Islands actually have bodies buried under the ground, but that isn’t even the most amazing discovery made by archaeologists in the 21st century. Recently declassified government documents have reported that studies in the sphinx have found what appears to be evidence of advanced machinery. In 2013, Egyptologists came forward demanding access to Papyrus scrolls in the archives of the Library of Cairo that reportedly state that the sphinx could be disassembled into five smaller humanoid structures, although there is little doubt in anyone’s mind that any working components in these millennia old mysterious robot like constructions have long since been stripped away by governments for study.

The government of North Korea has announced that over the past year scientists studying the ancient texts have found the key to awakening the terracotta armies of China. The national newspapers say that the hundreds of thousands of sleeping clay soldiers can be woken up and will follow instructions–but scientists caution against any early celebrations; the soldiers they have managed to wake up so far do not recognize their authority, they say, and ask for five more minutes of sleep. Further attempts to wake them up are equally futile, according to reports. The North Korean administration refuses to share any reports or evidence of their claims, and Chinese officials remain understandably tight-lipped on the subject.

Enthusiasts are now flocking to the Easter islands to look for telltale signs that the Easter Island statues were at one time capable of locomotion. If they can confirm this hypothesis, then archaeologists across the world can finally state with confidence that we are not in fact the first civilization to achieve an advanced state of technology. It may be possible that the famous historical monuments of today are merely the remnants of once great past empires, destroyed by the ravages of time. If it turns out that our ancestors were capable of harnessing atomic energy for destructive purposes, then archaeologists will finally be able to explain the uncanny similarities between the glassy, scorched earth in the mysteriously abandoned cities of the ancient Indus Valley Civilization, and the glassy craters that are remnants of nuclear tests in the Nevada desert.

Historians connecting the dots now believe that the colossus of Rhodes was not a giant statue straddling the entrance of the bay, rather a relatively small (but still colossal compared to the average human) sentinel, perhaps the most famous of many that used to protect the Greek coasts from invasions. It is believed that their giant metal robots gave Greece a significant military advantage over their European and Mediterranean neighbors of the time, allowing for a prosperous nation that was able to flourish to trade by sea, if only for a brief span of history.

Even the staunchest supporters of the evidence for past civilizations having reached a similar level of technological advancement cannot explain why such technology would vanish without a trace into the pages of history. Far more historians and scientists with experience in the topic believe that there is an extremely high probability that we have merely misinterpreted these ancient texts–an assumption that may yet hold true, given that many of the languages these texts are written in have not been used in society in millennia. Another potential explanation offered by some is that our ancestors simply chose to abandon the destructive capabilities of their times, in pursuit of a simpler and more peaceful lifestyle.

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