Yes, I know that generally the term is “ice cream,” and generally when the term isn’t “ice cream” it’s some other sweet dessert-type food. But this week, I have a Naan-based recipe that will have you screaming for more. At your minimum-wage bakery-department grocery stocker because they only have two bags on the shelf and you definitely need four to get you through the week. The rules are still the same: if you have time to measure, you clearly aren’t doing enough studying; short of spilling a vial of mercury (i.e., a fluorescent lightbulb) into the pan, every meal is not only edible but also capable of being returned to a state of deliciousness; and the only necessary ingredients are the ones you already own.
Naan is a type of bread common in West, Central, and Southern Asia. It slightly resembles a flour tortilla, but is over one centimetre thick and puffy. You can find it in bags of two or four—probably in with the flour tortillas—at your local commercial food distribution center of choice. I should now clarify that, even though this article is all about a recipe that I specifically made based around naan, rule number three still applies: you don’t need any new ingredients to make any of the recipes I show you.
So maybe you wallet is a little tight because you were binge-eating your way through midterms. Or more likely, it’s just a little tight because you’re a student with a termly tuition of over $10 000, not to mention rent and movies and slightly-diluted ethanol-based solutions. Either way, you don’t have three dollars to fork over every time someone says something tastes good. Well fortunately, I can think of a number of naan substitutes that will work just splendid. The most obvious, as I’ve already mentioned, is probably flour tortillas. They have the same shape and they’re both basically pieces of flat dough. Of course, if you don’t have naan, you might not have tortillas either. In that case, there is an almost unlimited number of items which are, at their core, just flat pieces of bread. Off the top of my head, I could recommend: pancakes, crepes, precooked pizza crust (available raw from the grocery store), tortilla chips, rice paper, or the end-slices of a loaf of bread (with the added bonus of recycling what is otherwise a waste product).
Anyway, on to the recipe. The first is what I like to call “The Magic Wrap” because I first prepared it as what I thought was going to be a simple mediocre meal but ended up being one of my triumphs of the term. Take some sort of pre-cooked meat. And by pre-cooked I could mean leftovers, store-bought, or the proceeds from your automatic lava-based cow-killing farm. Whatever’s handy. I’ve also found tofu works well, though this doesn’t have to be pre-cooked. Chop it up into small pieces, about half a centimetre per side.
In a pan on the stove, put a dollop of butter and a few shakes of brown sugar. Pretty much any fat and any sugar will do if you have neither. Mix them together under heat until you have a boiling lake of liquid sugar. Add your protein, mixing it all together to get the sugar coating everywhere. If you want to add any spices—for instance paprika—this would also be the time to do so. Let the concoction fry for a while, stirring occasionally to equally distribute the heat.
While the meat is cooking, raid the fridge for pretty much any raw-edible vegetable. Lettuce is an obvious choice, as are tomatoes and cucumbers. But pretty much anything that you enjoy eating raw will work. Slice them up on the cutting board into whatever you think is an appropriate size. I’m not your mother; chew as many times as you want. Once that is done, your pan is probably done cooking. Take out the results and store it somewhere. A plate (for instance the one you will eventually eat off of) will work, as will the cutting board you cut the meat and vegetables on. Now take a piece of naan and place it in the pan. You can press it down to pick up more of the juices left from cooking if you like. At this point if you pay for your utilities then turn off the stove and cook with the residual heat. Every once in a while, perform the standard test to see if the bread is too hot to hold. Once this test is successful, transfer it to your plate or cutting board (bottom side up), add everything else you have prepared, fold into the “hard taco” shape, and enjoy.
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