In its ongoing effort to increase the amount of green space on campus, the University will announce plans next week to implement green space on all campuses.
The plan has been confirmed by multiple sources last Friday evening. The Tin Soldier has been accessing recycling bins on library computers but failed to uncover more information.
The project calls for a greening of most university spaces, including buildings, rooms, and libraries. One notable building absent from the greening plan is the South Campus Hall. Sources say it is already an eyesore to everybody, therefore the benefit of making it green is minuscule.
Physical greening will take place sometime next term. It will consist of painting walls to various shades of green, adding loudspeakers playing licensed BrainSync music 24/7, and planting fake plants scattered in hallways. Patrons in a post-greening building will be able to emulate the feeling of being outdoors and enjoying life without actually doing anything.
A review of the University’s recent purchase orders further confirmed the existence of this plan. An extravagant amount of Dulux Weatherguard and Dulux X-Pert paint totaling over $25,000, colours unknown, have been ordered in the past month.
In addition to making non-green things green, the project also includes budget for coating grass fields with fluorescent green spray. Sources suggest that fluorescent paint will make green spaces “truly green regardless where the sun is.” The Tin Soldier estimates a 20% reduction in lighting costs after the material is applied. An MSDS of the fluorescence is not yet available.
The greening will also apparently extend into cyberspace. A mandatory green theme will be applied on all university-affiliated sites. Visitors can customize their favourite shades of green for his or her own ultimate green cyber space.
The Tin Soldier has so far confirmed that at least three shades of green will be available for free, including Light Green, Dark Green, and GO Transit Green. Exclusive green colours, which would require an “affordable annual subscription,” introduce fifty exotic shades such as Jalapeño Pepper, Jägermeister Bottle, and long-time favourite #69B00B.
It remains yet to be seen if POETS will receive actual turf as part of this project or Dulux paint as a cost-effective alternative. NEAC did not reply directly when asked if it has reached to the University for funding of a new turf. “We may attempt to acquire some #69B00B paint from our sponsors,” NEAC said in an emailed statement to Tin Soldier.
The Faculty of Environment spokesperson did not response to requests for an interview.
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