You love cheesecake. Don’t lie. I know you do. After exams, don’t you think you deserve some? But wait! You cry. You are tired! You just finished several dozen exams!
I don’t care. Cheesecake is life. It is a drug, and misery loves company. I insist that you make yourself some as soon as possible. Furthermore, it is as easy as pie. In fact, it is a good deal easier.
The following recipe is for a normal, round, cake-sized cake. If you want to make a bigger one, use your own judgement- I don’t blame you. Everyone wants a bigger cheesecake.
First of all, you need some graham cracker crumbs- about one and a half cups. Mix them with about 1/3 of a cup of brown sugar and the same amount of butter; cover the bottom of your pan with the mixture. This is all you need- but here is a secret: You know those Skor bars? Those crunchy sweet butter toffee things. You can get bags full of little pieces like chocolate chips. You should mix them in with your graham cracker crumbs. I also highly advise spices.
For the cheesy part: Mix up two packages of cream cheese and two spoonfuls of lemon juice. Add a container of heavy whipping cream and beat with an electric mixer- if you don’t have one, just use elbow grease. Add 1/3 cup of white sugar, and put it in the crust. Chill for way too long, preferably overnight.
That is the cheesy bit. There is also flavouring. To flavour the cheesecake, you can do two things- mix the flavour in with the cheesy bit, or put it on as topping, or both. There are numerous potential flavourings.
- Chocolate. You can mix chocolate chips in with the cheesy stuff, and you can also drizzle it on top of the finished cheesecake. The word “Nutella” also comes to mind.
- Cherries. Because that is the stereotype. You can put cherry pie filling on top, which tastes like glue and drips everywhere. Thanks, New York. I hope you’re happy. If you have a soul, you will use actual cherries.
- Strawberries. Strawberries are awesome with everything, and are very decorative. If you want a pretty cake, go for these seedy fellows.
- Pulled Pork. Sorry, no. Unless you’re into that-we don’t judge.
- Maple Syrup. You can mix it into the cheesy bit, but be careful- you might make it too thin. Pouring it on top is much safer, eh?
- Mango. Slice it up and put it on top. Trust me, this is good.
- Coffee. Do NOT pour coffee on top, and definitely don’t go about mixing coffee into the cheesy bit. That would be a disaster. Use a coffee-flavoured liqueur to do either of those things.
Now that you are finished, both you and the cheesecake will have to chill some more, possibly overnight. Have patience- good things come to those who wait.
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