Ladies and gentlemen, I have one word for you:
Meese.
Simply saying it is enough to strike terror into any sane person’s heart. These kings of the animal kingdom have been dominating our society since the dawn of recorded history. Their intelligence, cunning nature and supreme power leave nothing to be desired. If you are ever to come across the majestic meese, you have one hope, and one hope only: show your ultimate respect for the creature. We aren’t even talking Hippogriff level respect here, nor the pissed-off-mommy level of respect. We are talking about the speak-only-when-spoken-to-don’t-make-eye-contact-leave-only-when-granted-permission level of undying respect. Using the word meese in any sort of disrespectful sense may have terrible consequences.
Meese are born with their eyes open, obvious signs of their omniscient power and terrible wisdom of the world. No human has ever been able to sustain a conversation with the mighty meese, but we can expect great wisdom and knowledge of the infinite would result if it ever comes to pass.
Some have tried to hypothesize the outcome of a battle if meese and geese were ever to encounter in an all-out, battle to the death brawl, and I only ask one question about this: Why is this even a question? The only way the meese would ever lose against geese would be if the meese decided to let the geese win, and even then the meese might win by the sheer lack of functionality on the part of the geese. A single member of the meese tribe is worth each and every goose in existence, that ever existed, and ever will exist.
The might of the meese has been instilled in our culture for centuries — a national symbol in Canada, they represent all that is majestic and fierce in the world. The Queen of England herself once sought to welcome meese into Buckingham Palace, but the meese found the halls not regal enough for themselves and declined the insulting offer. They far prefer to be revered as deities, and left to do their own godly business.
Speaking of business, meese excrement, the least valuable part of the existence that is meese, are a class ten non-tradable good, as constitution state they are considered holy relics and must be protected. However, their black market value sees them selling at over 9 billion dollars per gram. Legend says the taste of meese excrement causes divine revelations in humans, but oft is overwhelming and can cause insanity if ingested in large amounts. A pseudo-dessert has been created in tribute to this legend, dubbed “Meese Tracks”.
To conclude on a civil note, let me just address those who say that geese are superior because they can fly. They need know only one thing: meese do not require the need to fly, as there exists no such thing as an “obstacle” for meese that they need to overcome.
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