READERS OF THE TIN SOLDIER, ARE YOU READY TO HAVE SOME FUN!?!?!?! It’s Ritt Momney and
Oarack Bbama here and were here to teach you how to have some non-shitty fun with any sort of
presidential (but definitely not prime-ministerial… those are boring) debates! We’re going to show you
how it can be fun to listen to two contradictory old semi-intelligent men politely yell at each
other about politics for over two hours. *In a WWE announcer voice* LET THE GAMES BEGIN!
First, you need to get yourself a nice healthy bottle of Everclear; 75% or 99%, your choice. Everclear
is the best way to have fun because along with being at least 151 proof alcohol, it is “EXTREMELY
FLAMMABLE” and “SHOULD BE HANDLED WITH CARE.” Therefore, we want to remind you to not tell your
unsuspecting friend that it is vodka and have him take multiple shots of it or create flamethrower with
it – this isn’t Mythbusters. Instead, you are going to pour yourself a nice glass and mix it with a watering-
down liquid of your choice. Just don’t forget that the more Everclear the more fun!
Now that we have prepared our poisonous bomb drink of choice, it is time to start a drinking game!
Drinking games are the only way to make a debate amusing if you actually don’t give a shitty rats ass
about politics. If you do give a shitty rats ass about politics… uhhh… IT’LL BE FUN TOO, like shooting
small rodents!
So here are the rules to our game:
- Anytime someone contradicts themselves, drink.
- Anytime someone doesn’t actually answer a question, drink.
- Any mention of 47% as a statistic, drink 47% of your drink.
- Anytime someone brings up a birth certificate or place of birth, two drinks.
- Any mention of binders that do not contain paper, pens, schoolwork, notes, labels, sticky notes, pencils, information, etc., kill your drink.
In addition to this, for every meme that is created because of said debate (We’re looking at you, Josh
Romney), take a shot at someone of Everclear because after drinking as much as you did during the
debates why not drink more?
Anyway, we hope that this will aid you in your enjoyment of politics and promote you to consume
copious amounts of alcohol instead of attending a book burning, flag burning, or bombing session. Just
remember to always keep your pets spayed and neutered, and GOD BLESS SHITTY AMERICA!
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