Letter From the Editor: Chicken Soup for the Engineer’s Soul

Hello IW readers, and welcome to another long-winded editorial! I’m sure you have endured the suffering of getting midterms marks by now, but not to worry, we all go through the same heart-wrenching pain each term. Speaking of heart-wrenching pain, the Engineering dating scene is no heart-shaped piece of cake either (see what I did there?).
From what I’ve seen in the real world while being on co-op and coming back to Engineer-dom during my school terms, I have discerned that dating à la Engineer is a completely different experience with its own set of rules. For instance, the rules of “playing hard to get” or “being yourself” when introducing yourself to a person of the opposite sex (which is another issue for engineers) are not applicable to this demographic.
For one, any non-verbal signal that may be sent to the person interest will never be received due to the inherent nature of the engineer’s receiver-stuck-in-RCH basement brain. Make your intentions verbally known; not only will you take out the uncertainty factor (see what I did there, again?), you’ll also win some major points for being “ball-sy” enough to put yourself out there. With that said, one major issue for engineers who dabble in dating is that they rarely commit to it. It may sound vague right now, but in a couple of sentences, you’ll see what I mean. For instance, if you’re interested in a girl and would like to date her, own it! Yes, it’s against the nature of an engineer to take the path with higher risk (notice the engineer-speak I’m trying to use), but, in the instance of dating, that does not work and is not appreciated by the target of your affections. Let me play this out for you: you’ve finally gotten the courage to talk to the person you’ve been crushing on for two years and have proceeded to hang out with him or her. You spend plenty of time alone together and are semi-flirtatious during those times. You’ve been doing this for two months now and, suddenly, your crush seems to have dropped off the face of the Earth. Here’s what happened: your crush has sh*t to do; this person can’t wait around for you to hint at going steady with each other. Your object of affection would rather spend his/her time re-arranging his/her confused-face for classes than for your mixed signals.
As a half-rule, though I feel that this is slightly nonsensical to note (but needs to be said after hearing about this numerous times), watching YouTube videos or having intimate study parties with your significant other/crush/whatever does not constitute a date; in fact, it shouldn’t constitute anything. If you want to spend time with this person, use the time to talk to them, do an activity with them, or, if you really don’t want to do the former, look at their face for long periods of time (and, maybe, plant said face with kisses). By now, you should see why this is a half-rule. If not, consult the paragraph above again as it seems that you’ve haven’t been paying attention.
Now that you’ve mustered up the courage to make your intentions known by going on an actual date with this person, here are a couple of things to note when doing so. One, while you may be just going for coffee at Williams, don’t do so while wearing your final-exam-sweatpants or (as the girl-equivalent) a button-up man-shirt. I’m not saying that you need to wear a dress shirt, slacks and evening gown (especially all together) – just make it look like you put some effort into looking nice for the person you’re seeing. Looking nice for someone else reads as “This person that I’m meeting for coffee who has recently poured his/her soul out to me is making an effort such that I take a romantic interest in him/her.” Yes, your thought processes should probably sound like this out loud. As a disclaimer, you should probably be doing this anyway when you come into contact with any human form. As an extra note, shower the day before you have to go on this date; trust me, the other person will appreciate the flowery/Old Spice smell instead of the stench you usually exude.
If you’ve gone out to dinner for your date, don’t spend half an hour quibbling over who should pay for the bill. I’m going to settle this matter right now; the person who did the date-asking should be paying for the first date. After that, take turns paying for each excursion but don’t, under any circumstances, split the bill like you would when you’re going out with friends. This will immediately put you in the friend-zone (which I’m sure the vast majority of you are familiar with).
It’s now time for the addition for another half-rule: courtesy goes a long way. For one, holding the door open for someone, extending “please” and “thank you” when appropriate, and not texting while the other person is talking is a good way to woo your prospect. You’d be surprised as to how many people I see place their phone on the table and text others while the person accross the table is talking. It’s as rude as staying at the table and talking to someone else on the phone while your date watches in disgust.
Finally, be prepared to actually have conversations with each other because, chances are, you’re going to be doing the long-distance thing every four months thanks to co-op. Thankfully, the advent of Skype has allowed this time to be more enjoyable due to the added perk of the webcam. Please take what you will from that statement.
As an engineer in a relationship, although your lives are busy and unconventional in the sense that you’d prefer a Lego rose compared to the actual thing, gifts are still appreciated. I know, I know, you’re a student and have no monies. From experience, taking a little bit of time out to make something for the person is a much better gesture than something generic at a store. I know, I know, you’re a student and have no time. Here’s an idea, make a mix of his/her favourite songs and put them on a decorated USB stick or, even better, prepare a care package for him/her.
Now that I’ve talked about engineers who, in general, fail at dating, I’m going to provide some recommendations for dating within our Faculty. First, don’t date someone in your class. You don’t want to deal with the drama and the awkwardness of seeing this person everyday if things head south. Here’s another one, leave the Frosh alone! Let your Frosh figure out if they still want to be here first. Also, be weary of the fact that most will be off-stream to you if you meet them in 1A and you will probably never see them again. If that’s not enough, hitting on Frosh in their 1A term will cause the rest of us to pass judgment on you (for sure). Keep that in mind as an engineer’s respect rivals that of any boy ‘in da hood.’ Another thing I feel stupid in mentioning but needs to be said because, again, I’ve seen a lot of this happen), stay away from your friend’s exes. If you’re a guy, I know there aren’t many women in Engineering, but, in the very least, give it at least two academic terms and two co-op terms before you make a move. Engineers are not willing to take one for team in this regard and are well-trained in using various pieces of dangerous equipment; take home message: don’t anger an engineer.
Finally, I should note that I’m losing my mind and have made this up on the spot. Therefore, whatever rules I’ve prescribed should be broken at your own discretion. I say this because engineers are weird and don’t follow the normal conventions of social interaction. For example, just today, this was proven when a fellow engineer discussed the use of horse condoms for sintering purposes rather than the infinitely more social function that you all know of; funny enough, he is currently spoken for relationship-wise. This is where the phrase “You’re the exception, not the rule”, from a less-than-enjoyable chick flick is completely applicable.
With that, I sign off because I need some sleep and am no longer interested in this topic; I’m an engineer for God’s sake!