So, the 84th Oscars rolled around on Sunday and as I settled down with a couple bottles of wine and a big plate of nachos to watch what dresses my favourite actresses were wearing this year (just kidding, I was checking out how much cleavage they were showing… J Lo won), I was reminded of what a good movie should be. A good movie should make me feel something inside, should dazzle me with its visuals, should make me think, should tell a good story, and should surprise me. I have seen a shift in my lifetime from an emphasis on story and character to a one that focuses on special effects and marketing. It’s even more painful for me to watch a movie with a huge budget that sucks more than a bad B movie with almost no budget at all. I feel like it’s just such a huge waste of all that time and effort. I like art and I doodle and paint a lot in my spare time so I actually have a big appreciation for the amount of work put in to do these visuals. But after countless CGI driven films, even I am getting bored. Nowadays, anyone can do CGI. Give me story!
Transformers: Dark of the Moon (2011) was up for 3 Oscars. Uuuuuuuugh. What an awful movie! I went to go see it in theatres with some friends and fell asleep half way through because I got bored. This was the second movie in my lifetime I ever fell asleep at in a theatre. The first one was actually Armageddon (1998), and that was because I was at a movie marathon and had gone 48 hours without sleep. Here is a perfect example of a movie where the entire budget was spent on the visuals and the advertisement and nothing was spent on story. Plot?! What plot? Robots! Shia LaBeouf! Explosions! Hot babes! Shia LaBeouf! This was one of the most poorly written stupid films I have ever seen. I don’t know why Michael Bay (and many other movie makers) won’t realize that special effects and advertisements can only take you so far. By spending an extra few hundred thousand on some good writers you can make a far better film that more people will go see. On a side note, Shia is actually not such a bad actor but has picked some real stinkers in recent years. Case in point: Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (2008). Siiigh. Why not have Indiana Jones marry an ewok while you’re at it? It’s not like you can shamelessly exploit him anymore anyway.
Since the first uses of CGI in films, which was around 1991 when the awesomeness that was Terminator 2: Judgement Day hit the big screens, I have seen more and more Transformers-type movies roll into theatres. My personal pick for the biggest waste of money would be Spiderman 3 (2007). Why do I hate thee? Let me count the ways:
SPOILER ALERT!
1) That dumbass butler who didn’t tell Harry about his father’s death being self-induced until Harry had blown off half his face trying to kill his best friend.
2) Emo Peter , and his stupid dance routine.
3) Eric Foreman as Venom.
4) Giving Venom about 5 minutes of screen time.
5) F(*&)ing up the relationship between Peter and Mary Jane.
6) Conveniently changing the whole backstory on how Peter’s uncle met his demise.
7) Spiderman forgives the Sandman instead of kicking his ass for killing his uncle. OK. What about the 300 other people he killed?
8) They spent 258 million on this piece of crap.
Runners up for complete wastes of time and money (in terms of CGI) include: Jar Jar Binks, the Twilight movies (fans would have watched it even if the werewolves were sock puppets), and cleaning up the wrinkles on the 4 screaming harpies in the Sex and the City films.
In conclusion, special effects should not make a movie. They should be used to accentuate one. It’s possible to have a good story and have the effects blend into the story. There are some big budget CGI movies that managed to do this. If you haven’t seen them yet, check out: The Matrix (1999 ), The Lord of the Rings (2001-2003), Jurassic Park (1993 ), Minority Report (2002 ), Watchmen (2009), Pans Labyrinth (2006), Avatar (2009 ), and Terminator 2: Judgement Day (1991 ).
P.S. John Carter, a movie based on the Princess of Mars by Edgar Rice Burroughs (author of Tarzan) comes out this year. The ads are freaking cool but had me extremely skeptical of the film as it comes across as one of the type I have been ranting about. And then I found out it was being released by Disney and had been directed by Andrew Stanton, the guy who wrote and directed Finding Nemo (2003) and WALL-E (2008), two of the best movies ever. I’m so totally going to see this! Please don’t disappoint me!
Leave a Reply