Hello, other stream folks! For the people that don’t follow the Iron Warrior on their off term (and shame on you for that) you have had the pleasure of not having to deal with my shtick for a long time. The premise behind this article is fairly straightforward; I’m too cheap to actually go and watch movies every time something interesting or interestingly crappy hits the theatres, so instead I collect every trailer of the movie and pass judgement before it comes out. The funny thing is, it’s fairly accurate with the majority of critics. I’ve only gone against the flow of the ratings consensus of rottentomatoes.com once, and I still maintain that Unstoppable is, and will always be utter crap.
The problem though is that some times of the year, good movies are few and far between. We call that time of year January through April. The Oscar nominations are in, the summer blockbusters are far away and we are left with the best filler movies that Hollywood has to offer. That leads me to review the latest Ashton Kutcher and (insert current hot-but-not-too-hot actress from the past year) romantic comedy No Strings Attached.
No Strings Attached from the get go feels like a romantic comedy you must have been dragged to sometime in your life. That age-old question “Can two people be friends without sex getting in the way?” has been gracing our screens and was made very prevalent in iconic 80’s movie When Harry Met Sally more than 20 years ago. So what makes this new iteration of the classic trope any different than all the movies since that Billy Crystal hit? Well, judging from the trailers not much.
The only standout that NSA has when watching the trailers is the raunch of the movie, which is also, interestingly enough, why the non-red band, “all-audiences” trailer is almost unwatchable. Natalie Portman, sure she’s great to look at, but not so soon after watching her anorexia-induced psychosis in Black Swan. Outside of the supporting cast of Ludachris and everyone else who isn’t Ludachris, the trailer jumps from one romantic comedy cliché to another. Ground rules are set, Kutcher says “I can’t date my best friend,” almost questioningly, the friends try to get in the way, jealousy. I’m no loveologist, I’m barely an amateur loveonomer, but something tells me that they get together at the end. After the first trailer I was ready to show this movie to the shit-door and throw it on the ever-growing shit-pile of shit-movies.
However, the red-band trailer allows the movie to actually flex a bit of funny, and actually show what makes the movie a little different than the others. We learn Kutcher’s dad is banging his ex girlfriend, we get more screen time with Ludachris, we get period jokes, and it almost seems there is hope. However the trailer falls apart near the end, when the two are so in love with repressing how in love with each other they are, and the movie settles nicely in to its comfortable try-nothing-new confines. You get to see Kutcher’s ass, that might be a selling point for some.
The movie looks like a fairly mediocre rom-com with some funny moments in what would be the first 20 or 30 minutes but do not be fooled. The movie won’t try anything new, and unless you’ve gone gaga for every romantic comedy before this you’re going to hate this one just the same. Skip it, or if you’re getting dragged to it just roll your eyes a lot. NSA comes out on January 2011 to the wild anticipation of no one.
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