Ultimate Frisbee

It was a gorgeous Sunday afternoon in Waterloo when Owen Coutts and Myles Tan were to play their intramural Ultimate Frisbee Game. After a Saturday of working on digital computation (6%) and watching movies (94%), the two were eager to get out and win another round of ultimate. Pushing aside the beer bottles and double gulp cups, the two ignored their usual tasks for the morning, and lazily socialized.
Knowing that ultimate is a sport which requires the upmost in physical excellence, unlike sports such as swimming, one would ask why there is no mention of pre-sport warm-ups, or what type of nutritional breakfast had been prepared. The reason, my friends, is that ultimate is not won simply on physical excellence, nutritional optimization, or muscular preparation. Ultimate is won on spirit. No, I’m not talking about stupid ‘spirit points’, where minor things such as punching and calling someone an “ass-ramming shit-face” would cost you big time. I’m talking about true spirit; how hard you play, how much you talk smack, how badass you look, these are the things that lead to victory on the Frisbee battle grounds.
Knowing that these are the true secrets to winning an ultimate game, I shall focus specifically the presentation of the athlete, as Owen and Myles have perfected all other aspects, and only a woman born in the 80’s with a PhD in fashion could truly have a shot at mastering.
As per usual, Myles and Owen dressed in the only attire they knew to wear for an ultimate game.
Spartans suiting up for battle in their iconic armour, Myles and Owen took on the most vibrant, ridiculous, and thus respectful attire one could attain; a feat any seasoned ultimate player would be proud of, and would adhere to as if it were law. They then continued their journey towards the V1 green, like warriors marching towards the Frisbee battle grounds.
Here arises another question to the average reader: “why is it that whenever I see a Frisbee game being played, nobody is ever dressed as appropriately as Myles and Owen were on this day?”
Well, one reason is that when Myles and Owen play Frisbee, the other team usually only lasts a few minutes, leaving a brief window to catch the duo in action. Also, Owen and Myles usually play on Sunday mornings, battling through the large hangover which many of you are still recovering from in bed.
But surely, this cannot be the answer to all of the cases, and the viewer is left with another daunting question: “why do so few people attempt to dress up according to the standards of the Ultimate Frisbee unwritten laws?”
And it was this question that was answered on the sunny Sunday afternoon.
At first, the two suspected that it would be a typical ultimate game; arrive, go shot-for-shot with the ref, win, and celebrate over an iced-capp from the SLC Tim Horton’s. And it was, except for one minor detail which changed the lives of Myles Tan and Owen Coutts forever.
Walking from UWP to the V1 green in full uniform, Myles and Owen accept the stares of awe and respect from other UW students. It was while crossing Ring Road in front of PAC, that Myles and Owen were stopped by a man in a light gold mid-size car. They were asked for directions, typical to think that people dressed so formally would obviously know their way around. It was after the directions were given, as they were about continue on their way, the man in the driver’s seat revealed the most awakening words of wisdom. “Nice colours, boys!” He said, referring to the apparel by duo, “they look good on you!” After a polite “thank you,” they turned to walk away as the man accelerated up ring road. But before they parted ways, he spoke: “you two must be engineers.”
It was only then that Myles and Owen realized the answer to that daunting question which had evaded them for years (not really). It is the awesomeness which only engineers and plummers themselves attain that can truly allow one to be so elite at a game which is centered around spirit. With most other plummers practicing for racing BOATs and crawling pubs, they are too busy to deal with other sports.
Thus, the spirit of the engineer is allowed to shine in the game of ultimate, and with so few engineers not racing BOATs or crawling pubs, the amount of adequately spirited ultimate players is desperately low. So as Myles and Owen marvelled about their discovery, they decided that this information must be shared with the world, the reason why you are here today, reading this tale of truth. Let it be known far and wide that the elite displays of awesomeness and excellence on the Frisbee battle ground, and perhaps any battle ground for that matter, that separate the strong from the weak, is simply the spirit of a true warrior shining through, the spirit of a University of Waterloo Engineer.
-Chuck Norris.
P.S. A picture has been attached for reference of the uniforms of Myles Tan (Right) and Owen Coutts (Left).
P.P.S. Swimming is a badass sport, and that comment was made simply to irritate a single person. If you are not that person (YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE), ignore that comment.
P.P.S Chuck Norris really wrote this.