Good Morning Sexy Readers!
It’s another sexy term, a brand new year, and for some of our fantastic new first-years, a whole new life awaits! Greetings and welcome to the school filled with the sexiest people alive. I am Chad Sexington, haunt of the satire and randomosity page. Pourer of maple-flavored wisdom and lumberjack lore, many of you will stop reading now, but wait, for within these words is contained the knowledge of years collected by manly lumberjacks since the dawn of time itself. Everyone knows that it isn’t easy coming to a new city, let alone a new school. Things you once knew are gone, lost in the pile of “back home I had ___ and knew ___” nostalgia that everyone keeps locked in their closet of memories. But fear not, it is a tough time starting from scratch, and many of you may think that you are at level 0 of a social support structure, but soon you will realize just how rich you are. For to think you are defeated is to make it so. And now, in the style of my usual old-timey man ramblings, allow me to dispense what the satire column usually holds for you during the frosh issue of the IW: my version of what I wish I had known when I arrived here. So without further adieu, I present: Chad Sexingtons Seven Simple Suggestions for Starting School.
1) Don’t sweat the small stuff. It’s 3am, a calculus assignment worth 1% of your mark is due the next morning at 8am, and you haven’t started. Don’t worry about it. As momma bear used to say, there’s no point crying over spilled syrup. I’ve known people to shed tears over assignments like this. Trust me, it’s not worth it. 50% of you are going to be in the bottom half of your class. Get used to it, it’s not a bad place to be. Now I’m not saying don’t do your homework, because you definitely need to (your high school last minute half-assery isn’t going to cut it here), but unless it’s a giant project or essay worth your entire grade, don’t cry over a spilled % or two. You’ll feel better, and you’ll be happier in the long run, allowing you to enjoy the classes you’re in rather than hate them.
2) There is something for everyone. You hear this a lot, but we say it because it is true. When I was in high school, I was a “nerd”. Not a lot of people got me. I understand that, to a lot of people the fact that you like math and science is inimical to their understanding of fun. But once I got to Waterloo, I found out that more and more people had similar interests to me. It’s why they picked this school. But no matter what you enjoy, be it reading comics or playing hockey, or both at the same time, I can guarantee you that there are at least 100 other people on this campus that like the exact same things as you, and there is probably a club for it. If there isn’t, you can start one, and if you build it, they will come.
3) Find the Coffee. University makes addicts out of many people. Some get addicted to knowledge, most get addicted to coffee. If you’re hitting up Tim Hortons once a day for a coffee it’s going to wind up costing you in the neighborhood of $2000 to $3000 to feed your habit through your 5 years here (half that cost if you use the Engineering Coffee & Donut Shop). Know how and where to get cheap or free food and drink. It’s out there, it’s hidden, but it can save your life. You’ll need it for the all-nighters you’re definitely going to be pulling.
4) Study in a way that works for you. You’re going to meet all kinds of people here, and some of those people are like the savant’s of lore, who can read something once and recall it indefinitely. They understand everything the first time, and have no need to spend hours in the library practicing questions and memorizing things. Chances are, you are not this person. Study and learn in a way that works for you. Ask for help. If you learn better by reading the notes, do it. If you learn best by listening to your prof, get someone to take notes for you (buying them coffee can help). Get a support group. Most assignments are impossible to do by yourself, so a study-buddy or 5 is one of the best investments you can make to save yourself from banging your head on the desk.
5) This isn’t High School. You are not a special unique flower. Self motivation is the skill that causes more people to fail than any other. People can preach this until they’re blue in the face and say it until they sound like a tree chipper grinding up a tough spruce, but some of you are never going to learn until you learn the hard way. You can’t study for 15 minutes and expect to pass. You can’t hand things in whenever you feel like it. You can’t wait for someone to remind you to read your notes. Nobody is going to get on your ass to do your homework. You’re going to need to learn to grow up and motivate yourself quick, or you’re going to get left behind and nobody is going to save you, because as much as Engineering is a family, it’s also a cutthroat competition. Everyone else that is here had to pass the same entry requirements as you, so they’re at least as competent, if not more so that you are.
6) Have fun. Your primary motivation at university is to learn. But unless you want to spend every single hour memorizing types of steel and practicing wave equations, you need to learn how to have fun. Is it better to spend 10 hours on that extra question, or is it better to spend 1 hour on it and then go relax and come back to it? Time is short for fun in engineering, so power-relaxing is key. Optimize your free time by doing the most fun thing you can do, choose your activities wisely, and try to mix in recreation with your fun. If you don’t pick up this skill, you’ll explode, implode, melt down, or have some other disaster metaphor happen to you.
7) Experiment. Old people say that youth is wasted on the young. Prove them wrong. This is university, it’s where people can really be free of external controlling influence of family, teachers, old peers and just about everyone else. You start from your teenage self and grow into who you are going to be for the rest of your life. Be proud of the things you like and make good decisions, but try things you wouldn’t have before. Maybe you’ll like them. Everyone tries everything once in University. That’s the point. Because when you’re 50 years old you can refer back to your “experimental phase” with nostalgia. Be a rebel, it’s the only time you can do it relatively consequence free. So next time someone says, ‘want to come to a party/skydiving/on a road trip this weekend?’ say yes. You’ll learn something from it. Hold on to your roots and call your family once a week. They’ll appreciate it, because as much as you miss them, they miss you more.
That’s all the space I’ve got for now my sexy readers. If you have any questions for Chad, hit up questions4chad@gmail.com and I’ll answer them in my termly Q&A with Chad article coming up soon. Remember not to panic, and..
Until next time,
Stay Sexy.
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