Bad Gateways on Suez Canal

Following the recent trade disaster which unfolded in the Suez canal, the Suez Canal Authority has installed immediate measures to prevent another such catastrophe.  Large gates have been installed seemingly overnight, restricting any and all unapproved access from either end and trapping the Ever Given container ship in the canal.

Previously seeking upwards of one billion dollars in compensation from Evergreen Marine Corp., the World Maritime Trade Association has upped their demands while continuing to hold the canal hostage, now requesting the company fund the installation of similar gates across all main trade routes internationally.

This controversy has been dubbed Gategate.

Spokesperson Billiam Gates for the World Maritime Trade Association released the following statement:

“An investigatetion has been opened. We are obligated to interrogate each and every individual involved in this situgateion in order to mitigate any further consequences.”

Shipping companies globally have responded with outrage. In response to demands, Evergreen Director Harry Turnstiles had this to say:

“How dare they. The WMTA is an organization full of instigateors with nothing better to do than make us circumnavigate their blockades. This is gatekeeping at its finest, and we will not be fenced in.”