Massive Crater Found Under Greenland Ice Sheet

Kai Huang - 2A Computer Engineering
Posted on: November 28, 2018

In 2015, Kurt Kjær, a geologist from Denmark’s Natural History Museum, was studying the contours under Greenland’s colossal ice sheets when he discovered in the topography a hint of a hole underneath the Hiawatha Glacier. He was intrigued at the possibility, but needed further research with radar technology in order to see through more than […]

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Indigenization Efforts on Campus Begin Next Steps

Janny Wang - 2A Nanotechnology Engineering

Our world has developed something of a mania for mass emails; one such distinguished itself from the commoner horde by bearing the signature of Dr. Feridun himself. This was an ‘Update on the University of Waterloo Indigenization Strategy’, which was, unfortunately for its readability, north of sixteen words and without any promise of reimbursement or […]

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Wildfires Ravage California

Kirsten Ehlers - 1A Biomedical Engineering

California has been plagued with wildfires this season. This bout of fires are specifically in Southern California. People have been blaming the abnormally strong Santa Ana winds and katabatic winds from Great Basin and Mojave Desert. The Thomas fire is the largest fire in Los Angeles since the 1961 Thirty six thousand eight hundred seven acre […]

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Attack Helicopter -

In a bold new move, the ECE curriculum is now redesigning their digital circuits course to accommodate nontraditional components. The first and foremost change is that digital circuits is now non-binary. Student Phoenix Write writes “It’s about time to acknowledge that you can’t just assume every component  is either a 0 or a 1, and […]

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ECE Faculty Invests Research into Vacuum Technologies to Enable First-Years to Suck Harder.

Thad Thackaburry - 1A Electrical and Computer ECE

One unnamed ECE Faculty executive, Sir Simarjeet Saini, Sr. said Sunday surely some senior students shall savor the chance to do research with new vacuum cleaners to ensure that first years will continue to suck harder. “It used to just be failing physics, which I don’t understand that they don’t understand why they don’t understand […]

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20 Questions: Guess the Ethnicity of the Editor-In-Chief

Akinator - 3X Real Journalism

We have posed 20 questions to the Editor-in-Chief of the Iron Warrior to help all of our readers understand and get to know him better. From these questions, the reader may attempt to guess his ethnicity. Email your responses to with the first correct guess receiving a $10 reward What is your name? Rafiq […]

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n Reasons to Work for a Newspaper that Doesn’t Steal Money from Students

Part-Time mathNEWS Writer - 8A Architectural Engineering

You’re not stealing money from students People don’t complain to you about stealing their money every term People actually read your newspaper People actually know you’re a newspaper and not an entity made up to steal money You can write interesting articles You get to write articles about things people care about You don’t write […]

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一个五毛的想法 (50 Pennies for Your Thoughts)

Your Friendly Neighbourhood WuMao -

在1989年的时候,胆小的美国黑客偷入经了我们国家的电脑系统。我们的科学家花了几十年的成就在一个刹那就被他们偷了。这是很可惜的一个时间,让我们感觉美国人不尊重我们的法陆和功夫。 如果美国人真的有他们说的那么强大,他们为什么会要偷我们的知识?他们的媒体都在讲中华人民的水平没有他们的厉害, 说我们的国家没有他们的发展,但是他们的空军现在在用的战斗机都用我们人民的设计,我们人民的科学,我们人民的功劳。 对,我在说的是他们的新的F-22和F-35战斗机。特朗普每天在显摆这些东西,还实则卖给别的国家。你能想象得到吗?是不是你听说的最资本家风格的想法?他们敢歧视我们的想法,说他们是世界上的老大。一个老大该干的是表现给大家真正的礼貌。 如果他们就这样干也就是一回事,反正痴人痴福,让后确实,我们也只能说我们是这一次的痴人。我们应该老早就想想到他们那种人不会有一点羞耻。我们也已经努力的进步我们系统的安全设备,来避免他们下次试着干一样的货。如果只是这样子的事情,我们就会从这个过程学习然后进步。 我有意见的是他们还敢说我们的新一代的战斗机使用从他们偷来的技术设计的。他们他妈的鬼子还逮捕了几个华裔美国人,说他们是我们的间谍。我们又不认识这些人,但是我们没法接受在21实际还会有国家用他们自己的人单座替罪羊来欺骗我们的世界。他们的领导会死皮赖脸。他们的媒体爱上了这些想法。他们国家的人还照样把我们看成敌人。没有人敢相信我们的国;我觉得这是很可惜的一个现象。 同志们,朋友们,我就希望你们都可以张开你们的眼睛。美国不是你们的朋友,美国是为什么现在的世界又怎么多的问题,这么多的苦。如果他们能对我们的人民做出这么违法,无礼貌的行动,你们应该意识到他们的性格然后准备好办法来保护你们自己。一个没道理的国家是一个很危险的状况。   For Western release: In 1989, timid American hackers stole into the computer systems of our country. Our scientists have spent decades of success in stealing them. This is a pity, let us feel that Americans do not respect our land and kung fu. If Americans really are […]

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NVIDIA Gives Job Offer to Every ECE Student

Jen-Hsun's Estranged Son -

Students from the ECE department reported an interesting incident last week when they received emails asking them for their contact information so they could be mailed an offer letter. The emails were seemingly sent to every single student, regardless of their current WaterlooWorks status or even of their stream, with many students in stream 4 […]

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Waterloo Opens Office for One Legged Pirates

Colour-neutral Beard of the High Seas - 7S One-legged Lives Matter

The recent FEDS meeting has been heralded as an incredible success, as students unanimously voted to pass a motion opening up an office for students who are one-legged pirates or come from a one legged pirate background. At the meeting, the FEDS President made a speech on the motion, saying “At the University of Waterloo, […]

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Phoenix Pay a Pillar in Modern-Day Socialism

Official Party Comminuque -

Like his father before him, Comrade Trudeau has earned praise from leftist circles by taking bold steps to usher in a utopian communist society. The Phoenix Pay systems is an innovative pilot project, which began in 2010 under the auspices of Comrade Harper, to automate and centralize the pay system of Canada’s public service. It […]

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Nanotechnology is Fat-shaming

Honey Boo Boo - 3A Not Fat (just easy to see (big-boned FYI))

The University of Waterloo has made good on its pledge to be  more welcoming and positive towards all body types by rebranding “Nanotechnology Engineering” as “Technology Engineering”. This move was hailed as innovative and “a step in the right direction” by both students and staff. “The university can’t claim to be a body positive space […]

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Official Government Communique -

Comrades! The imperialist Trotskyist-fascist capitalist system, spearheaded by AMERICA, has long tried to interfere with the peace and equality of our DEMOCRATIC WORKER’S REPUBLIC. Comrades, we stand vigilante against their weapons which are: CAPITALISM, ANARCHISM, DEMOCRACY, FEMINISM, CONSUMERISM, TRADE UNIONISM, TROTSKYISM, MAOISM, and FOOD. Now, there is a NEW WEAPON we must be wary of. […]

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