Threat Level Goose

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Posted on: March 27, 2019

*** The Tin Soldier is intended to be a humorous and entertaining look at issues and events at the University of Waterloo. As such articles should not be taken to represent real events or opinions, and they should not be associated with the University of Waterloo staff or administration in any way. Any similarities to real world events, people or corporations is purely coincidental – or non-coincidental but meant in an entirely joking manner.***

**INTERCEPTED MESSAGE TO GOOSE HEADQUARTERS**

TOP SECRET – TO BE OPENED ONLY BY GOOSE OFFICIALS

To: General Goose – Director of the Waterloo Goose Syndicate (WGS)

Dear Gen. Goose,

This correspondence is to provide you with an update on the current state of our agents stationed at the University of Waterloo. Please read the following carefully, as it contains important information on the location of our spies.

As per your request, we have strategically placed our top agents around the entire campus to intimidate the students as they walk to and from their classes throughout the day. I assure you, we have been doing our best to remain positioned even at night and early in the morning. So far, our efforts have been somewhat successful, with some of the targets taking longer routes to get to their classes so as to avoid walking near us, while others have flinched if we honked loudly as they passed by. Overall, the operation has been successful, and we are projecting further success as we head into the warmer months of the year.

Our usual techniques of honking loudly and flying low to the ground have proven triumphant, with multiple terrified targets. The overall consensus of our agents is that we should practice honking louder with more zeal, maybe even flap our wings every so often to mimic the beginning of an attack. This should prove effective in maximizing fear.

We have also been able to find successful vantage points on the tops of multiple campus buildings overlooking the pathways. As our motto states, “Intimidate, Frighten, and Menace”, that’s our goal. Establishing such a position helps exert our power since the students know we could swoop down at any time and attack.

Speaking of swooping down, Agent Wing was injured last week from a fall taken while he was trying to swoop down from the environment building towards a student. He is currently recovering and is expected to return to active duty next week. Agent Tail is covering for him in the meantime.

With regards to locations, we have agents stationed at all of the university colleges, as well as the university residences. There are fields at some of those locations, so we have been able to form large groups to patrol those areas in the mornings. We also have spies stationed around the pathways leading to and from the engineering buildings, MC, AL, ML, and EV1. These are prime locations for student traffic, so we’ve got those spots covered well.

Please, let us know if you have any concerns, or if there are any other locations you would like us to cover. We can redistribute our agents if the students catch on to our scheme. On the off chance that this message is intercepted by humans, I have encrypted a secret message below. Rest assured, I am sure none of them will be able to crack it.

Regards,

Lt. McFly

If this message is intercepted by the humans, the secret message has been encrypted below:

Try solving it!

Hint: HONK

IUSESOWGYORSONVIGELEGGEYALHRSLVUDDFCOTMOIIOOA

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