COMRADES, BEWARE!!!!

Official Government Communique -
Posted on: November 28, 2018

*** The Tin Soldier is intended to be a humorous and entertaining look at issues and events at the University of Waterloo. As such articles should not be taken to represent real events or opinions, and they should not be associated with the University of Waterloo staff or administration in any way. Any similarities to real world events, people or corporations is purely coincidental – or non-coincidental but meant in an entirely joking manner.***

Comrades!

The imperialist Trotskyist-fascist capitalist system, spearheaded by AMERICA, has long tried to interfere with the peace and equality of our DEMOCRATIC WORKER’S REPUBLIC. Comrades, we stand vigilante against their weapons which are: CAPITALISM, ANARCHISM, DEMOCRACY, FEMINISM, CONSUMERISM, TRADE UNIONISM, TROTSKYISM, MAOISM, and FOOD.

Now, there is a NEW WEAPON we must be wary of.

COMMUNISM!

Communism is the idea that all men are equal and therefore deserve an equal share of the wealth. The idea is patently absurd; just as no two men can occupy the same place in a breadline, so can they never occupy the same place in society. In our GLORIOUS DEMOCRATIC WORKER’S REPUBLIC, where all men are EQUAL and FREE, we can trust in the guidance of our BELOVED LEADER to usher us into WORKER’S REPUBLIC.

BE FAITHFUL TO THE BELOVED LEADER.

MR. GOOSE IS WATCHING.

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