Drake’s Hot Scorpion

Ghost Writer - 1B Music
Posted on: July 14, 2018

*** The Tin Soldier is intended to be a humorous and entertaining look at issues and events at the University of Waterloo. As such articles should not be taken to represent real events or opinions, and they should not be associated with the University of Waterloo staff or administration in any way. Any similarities to real world events, people or corporations is purely coincidental – or non-coincidental but meant in an entirely joking manner.***

In an interesting turn of events, after Drake’s hot new double album dropped last month, listeners were not so pleased. This long, somewhat boring album called Scorpion, left listeners scrounging for refuge in pop hits and people have reportedly listened to Bohemian Rhapsody on repeat, just to prove that length was not the issue with the new album.

This fresh off the press album is bringing cassettes back by having an “A side” and a “B side” just like a scorpion has a head and a tail. I cannot think of a better reason why Drake named his album Scorpion. I also haven’t listened to the album so who am I to judge? Besides “B side” – see what I did there? – only contains R&B and pop. Aside from “A side” – oops I did it again – only contains Hip Hop, which seems to be Drake’s forte, and again I am only guessing because I am a Drake noob, there seems to be no “Up side” (it’s okay let’s not acknowledge this one) to the album.

So anyway, it turns out that people didn’t like the album so much. They began demanding their money back from Spotify because Spotify overpromoted this album. Needless to say, I am sort of happy I never really listened to Drake before. God’s plan, am I right? Nonetheless, a lot of people around me are going, “I’m Upset,” and I’m just all like, “Don’t matter to me.” In my feelings, they should have thought about this before investing their hard-earned money on stupid stuff like Spotify. You ever heard of LimeWire? That is where the gold is at.

A few of avid Drake fans did give it an 8 out of 10. I would still stick with a strong pass, but hey, if that’s how you feel. Personally, I am pretty emotionless about it. Regardless of all these fans being angry, this new album did make the Billboard Top 100 and raked in like a billion dollars, so, it tells us a lot about how weird mobs are. Anyway, if you are a contributor to Drake’s fortune and stand by it, and you are mad at me for writing this, or maybe you agree with me and really like my perspective, call me where my hotline bling. After we are done discussing how you got my number, we can talk about Drake and Spotify. Who knows what it could segue into.

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