(Assistant) Editorial

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Posted on: March 27, 2018

*** The Tin Soldier is intended to be a humorous and entertaining look at issues and events at the University of Waterloo. As such articles should not be taken to represent real events or opinions, and they should not be associated with the University of Waterloo staff or administration in any way. Any similarities to real world events, people or corporations is purely coincidental – or non-coincidental but meant in an entirely joking manner.***

Hello minions. Well, I wish I could say that. In reality, I am the minion because I am here at 5 AM because I procrastinated for a long time and then took four days to write one article because I realized that I had absolutely no interest in the subject matter but I already committed to it and our gracious EIC is too nice to say no to people so I would feel bad if I tried to flake out on him also I’m not a flake which is exactly how I got here at 5 AM finishing layout because our gracious EIC has to sleep at 10 PM like a normal human being unlike his crazy assistant who has a lab in three hours so what’s the point of even going to sleep at this point? Also this is probably karma for making our gracious EIC do all the work all weekend and not even showing up to the office to make Tin Soldier jokes or doing any work until Monday so ya I’ll just keep rambling for a while if that’s alright.

Ok but seriously. That was not the point of this (assistant) editorial.

On behalf of everyone at the newspaper: I WISH OUR GRACIOUS EIC ALL THE BEST IN LIFE AS HE GRADUATES VERY SOON AND WE ARE VERY JEALOUS OF HIS IRON RING BUT ALSO VERY HAPPY FOR HIM BECAUSE HE WORKS VERY HARD (TOO HARD TAKE A BREAK SOMETIME!!!) AND DESERVES TO GET OUT OF THIS PLACE FINALLY.

Please stay away, which I say with the best intentions. There always comes a time to let go, and that time is coming very soon. I don’t want to hear any of this crap about commuting to be EIC because no one should have to do this more than once (you already did it more than once…) also YOU GRADUATING SO DON’T COME BACK TO CAMPUS OKKKKKK?????

Ok but seriously. I could make fun of you all day for being so on top of your work but really I just wish that I had my life together rather than writing a rambling (assistant) editorial at 5 AM (ya I’m back on that again don’t judge me I’m tired and hungry) so CONGRATULATIONS on being a normal person and soon you will also be a REAL PERSON (quote past EIC you know who you are) and like wow I have no words except that I need to fill the rest of this word count so I must have words so I’ll just keep talking and writing things for a while hmm I wonder if anyone is even reading this if you are reading this then come tell me that coffee is magic (also copying a past EIC you know who you are except that I can’t remember what your line was and too lazy to go figure it out) so in that case you have to know who I am or else you are you going to say it to right?

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