Thank Mr. Goose!!!

Goose Hater - 4B Innovation
Posted on: March 24, 2018

*** The Tin Soldier is intended to be a humorous and entertaining look at issues and events at the University of Waterloo. As such articles should not be taken to represent real events or opinions, and they should not be associated with the University of Waterloo staff or administration in any way. Any similarities to real world events, people or corporations is purely coincidental – or non-coincidental but meant in an entirely joking manner.***

As Waterloo awaits the opening of the highly anticipated Engineering 7 (E7) building this September, new details and layout changes are beginning to leak.

Perhaps the most surprising leak is a new section named the Canada GooseTM  Innovation Center.  This Centre is an expansion and adaptation of the Management Engineering pizza-making lab to the premium animal-based jacket industry, with goals to give a different perspective to the manufacturing process and finally gives the Management Science department a faint hope that one day they too will be able to escape from the ancient halls of CPH and relocate to a square grey glass building that is literally just an extension of another new building and does not need a new name at all but has one anyway.  

As planned, the E7 atrium will offer expansive views of this Multi-Level Manufacturing Plant®, allowing students to take a break from their studies and watch the machinery churn geese into delicious food service meals and high-quality Canada Goose jackets. A special listening station will let passersby hear the final honk of the pesky goose that glared at them and stole their French fry, while a boutique Canada Goose store will offer visitors the chance to “pick their goose” and watch every step of the production of their jacket.  These services will be available in both official languages—English and Mandarin.

CECA has lauded the decision to incorporate a jacket factory, calling it a “win-win” situation, as the plant will be staffed by the 0.1 -14% [1] of students that have been unable to find a co-op.  They have announced that CECA fees will be increased by $20 in September for staff bonuses celebrating this historic moment.  

As of printing, the Biomedical Engineering department had locked itself in a conference room in a desperate attempt to try and use this plant to finally become an accredited engineering program.

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