Scorpio (October 23-November 21): Take up something unconventional this week, like knitting socks. Stay creative Dobby!
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21): Use the money you were going to use for gifts for family members to buy yourself a ticket to something. The more pricey the ticket, the more your loved ones will feel special that you were going to spend the money on them.
Capricorn (December 22-January 19): Stop drinking water in favour of an unconventional herbal supplement drink. Write and then self-publish a book about your new lifestyle, change the world.
Aquarius (January 20 to February 18): Take up a cause to post incessantly about on Facebook. Get some exercise by shaking off the haters this November.
Pisces (February 19 to March 20): Invest in some stocks. Get really involved in it. Quit school and become a millionaire. Own the world.
Aries (March 21-April 19): You will discover, while chatting with some friends, that you are in fact the funniest person alive. Make a video to post on YouTube. Wait for the Internet fame to come for you Bo Burnham.
Taurus (April 20-May 20): Take up a secret side-gig. Never tell anyone. Start a revolution.
Gemini (May 21-June 20): You will buy a cat and it will be awesome. You’re welcome.
Cancer (June 21-July 22): Get a new passion and start telling everyone about it. People need to know why your glow is so bright or your poops have never been better since you began rubbing rutabaga on your skin.
Leo (July 23-August 22): Upon walking to school in the snow and cold you will fall and hurt your elbow. You will get an extension on your next assignment. You go Glen Coco, work the system!
Virgo (August 23-September 22): A newfound passion for baking, rather than doing schoolwork, will pay off. After making a particularly delicious batch of mid-November baked goodies and bringing them to school, you will be offered money for a baking start-up.
Libra (September 23-October 22): A squirrel jumping out of a garbage can will cause you such fright that you will drop all your books in the snow. This isn’t middle school, so stop carrying your books around. A friendly stranger will help you out and become your new BFF.
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