Scorpio Sam

Samuel Algermagarana - 1T SYDE
Posted on: July 15, 2017

*** The Tin Soldier is intended to be a humorous and entertaining look at issues and events at the University of Waterloo. As such articles should not be taken to represent real events or opinions, and they should not be associated with the University of Waterloo staff or administration in any way. Any similarities to real world events, people or corporations is purely coincidental – or non-coincidental but meant in an entirely joking manner.***

The zodiac is amazing, isn’t it? A true marvel of ancient mystical spiritual achievement, it was, to discover the relationship between the heavenly spheres in their unknown dance and the cosmically-connected humans below.

The practice of astrology has changed so much since those early, foundational days. It was clear to the shamans of old that, no matter the precision with which they tracked the motions of Mars, Jupiter, Mercury, and Nibiru, they could not divine the entire human condition.

The first major progress in the study of astrology occurred in the year 1569, when the alchemist Galileo gazed upon the sphere of Jupiter, aided by the application of quarts divining crystals, and saw the dance of the moons. Suddenly, the heavens opened up to him, and he saw the truth.

It may seem like a quaint, elementary concept today, but the idea that there are heavenly bodies that cannot be seen by normal humans–that require a particularly clear mind or ritual preparation to observe–was an incredible revelation, and a dangerous one at that. The thought that mediums and warlocks, witches and soothsayers might finally be able to predict human nature to an infinite degree was so offensive to the church that they brutally suppressed the information.

Modern astrology, as we all know, is a frightfully accurate and precise art because of the increased sophistication of modern astrological charts. However, the work is not done. Just last year, a collaboration of Washington State Druids and Louisianan fortune tellers managed to use advances in colour therapy, meditation, and introspection to sense mysterious objects known as gravity waves. These waves represent a deeper spiritual connection to the universe’s energy, allowing us to know ourselves on a new plane.

It is likely that our work will never be done. There will always new ways to better understand our connection to the universe. Spiritualists are using increasingly-exotic methods, and reading increasingly-obscure texts to find newer, deeper energy. There is even fascinating work that uses the science of genetics, of all things, to delve deeper into the concepts of chi and chakratic aptitude.

It was once the dream of shamans to know the entire universe and all things in it. However, we now know that everything is connected, and to know anything about the universe is to know everything about the universe. Unfortunately, it is not possible to know the entire purpose, and so we must make do with our ever-more-accurate approximations.