Electro-Nick’s Electronics: How Ubisoft Has Failed Their Country

Nick Owens - 1B Mechanical
Posted on: July 2, 2017

Note: This is a completely unbiased article, written by an unlicensed “professional”.

Greetings everyone, and happy Canada Day. Whether you were watching the fireworks or simply spending time with friends, it truly is a good time to be Canadian. So, in the spirit of the holiday, I have decided to cover an issue with electronics that lies much closer to home: Ubisoft. Now, I know you might be asking, what’s wrong with Ubisoft? Is it the fact that they recycle gameplay mechanics? Everyone does that. Is it the fact that ‘Beyond Good and Evil 2’ has too much cussing? Is it the fact that I don’t know what ‘Beyond Good and Evil’ is? No. It has nothing to do with any of these. Think to yourself, what are Ubisoft’s two biggest series? ‘Assassin’s Creed’ and ‘Far Cry.’ Of course, like all ongoing game series, these can be hit or miss, but are usually fun. But there is one thing that they are certainly not, and that is Canadian.

As you may already know, the newest entry in the ‘Far Cry’ franchise will be following crazy, off-the-grid, Puritan-like cultists in the southern United States. Admittedly, this does seem like an interesting concept, but didn’t ‘Assassin’s Creed 3’ also take place in the US, during the American revolution? And it goes beyond just these two series. So many of their games take place in the US. I’m not saying that Ubisoft needs to turn into Drake, and just sing about Toronto repeatedly, but why has there been so many Ubisoft games that take place in the States? It would be easy to say that John A. MacDonald’s alcoholism was just a guise for him being an assassin, or that Thomas D’Arcy McGee was killed by the Templars. It wouldn’t be hard to make a ‘Far Cry’ game about the crazed Sasquatch-fighting lumberjacks of Northern Alberta, but still we see none of that. Why not?

In this reporter’s opinion, there must be a coalition between the United States’ Congress and Ubisoft to create games that teach us their history (Assassin’s Creed) and preach their religion (Far Cry 5). It’s all done to indoctrinate Canadians so that they focus more on foreign politics than on their own. My proof? Without proper Canadian gaming, almost anybody can tell you who the President of the US is, but very few know the Premier of Saskatchewan. The way things are headed, we’re doomed to fall apart and end up becoming the fifty-first state.

As Canadians, we must protect our individuality. And, because we are dealing with a Canadian culprit, and because Ubisoft certainly reads the number one ranked newspaper in the country (give or take several places), I can challenge them personally. Make a Canadian game, Ubisoft. It isn’t hard. Instead of picking up random herbs to heal you, just pick up bottles of maple syrup. Instead of running people down with cars, you run them down with Zambonis. We’ve put up with this far too long.

Now of course, this is all just my opinion, but you can trust my opinion. I’m an expert.

#canadianvideogame