Why Doesn’t Tim Hortons Sell Brownies? An Open, Semi-Sarcastic Letter

Hasan Ahmed - 1T Nanotechnology
Posted on: July 2, 2017

Canada’s supposed to be this really perfect, happy-go-lucky nation, right? We’ve got free healthcare, ice hockey rinks galore, and I’m sure we’ve all gained an appreciation for poutine over the years. However, this country has its drawbacks: tons of road construction during the summer, or perhaps the cold, cold winters that hit our country every winter. However, one issue has been plaguing me for about two years now (yes, I count). Why doesn’t Tim Hortons, the most visited place in all of Canada for coffee and doughnut needs, sell brownies?

For one of the greatest desserts on the planet, brownies not being served on the Tim Hortons menu baffles me. When you’ve got competing brands like Starbucks in the market, Tims should be updating its menu and options as frequently as possible. These new doughnuts and muffins are fine (like the nanaimo bar donut and red velvet muffin), but all we’ve had for a little while is just new flavours of established menu items. Well, I’m putting my foot down and saying I want more. Give us brownies, Tim Hortons. You have the opportunity to further innovate brownie technology. Without your help, Starbucks will continue to sell their normal brownie without any incentive to make it better. You have this chance – no – responsibility to make the brownies better for the ever-growing consumer base. Don’t just do it for me or the competition, do it for Canada. We’re turning 150 this year, and although bringing Roll Up the Rim back was a fantastic idea, I think a brand new item to commemorate how far you’ve come as a company needs to be introduced as well.

Imagine this: it’s a warm summer day and you just finished playing road hockey with your friends. All of a sudden, you’re craving an Iced Cappuccino (preferably maple, those are good). The chilling sensation of the coffee drink refreshes your tastebuds with a cool flow down your throat. Now, imagine the same scenario, but add on a nice, warm, double chocolate brownie. It would go perfectly with the iced capp. Also, think of the possible different flavours. Double fudge, double chocolate, regular, white chocolate chip, red velvet, caramel, maple…the list goes on. They could just adapt some of their timbit and doughnut flavours and implement them into their brownie research. I contacted them through email some time in February and they responded as such:

“Good Morning Hasan, I would like to thank you for taking the time to provide our Head Office with your suggestion for Brownies. While Tim Hortons relies entirely on our own advertising, research, marketing and product planning departments for the generation and development of new concepts, we always appreciate hearing from our guests who want to help us continue to improve our products and services. Thank you for thinking of us and for your ongoing patronage…”

I could have made them millions of dollars richer, but instead they backstab me and throw my opinion in the trash. Not only that, but notice how brownies was capitalized in that response? That means that this is just a placeholder reply and they just put in the word “Brownies”, and other genius minds who may have suggested other ideas to the company were shut down in a non-personalized manner. Watch, when they start selling it in 10 years, let it be known that I had this idea first. If not, I’ll make my own restaurant and out-sell Tim Hortons in terms of brownies per capita. That’ll show them.

Anyways, happy Canada Day to all you lovely readers of the Iron Warrior. While this article may have made you bitter and spiteful, I want you to remember the great works that Tim Hortons has done for us in their 50+ years of serving Canadians across the country. Are they not the company that gave us the Creamy Chocolate Chill? The Maple Dip Doughnut? Yet another reason for Americans to be jealous of us? Brownies are but a small negative in Tim Hortons’ reputation as a franchise, and hopefully there’ll be many more great ideas to come forth. I hope you had fun on July 1st, wishing Canada a happy 150th birthday, and may all your future Roll Up the Rims be winners.

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