Exec Story 4 (VPAC)

Andrew McBurney - VPAC
Posted on: March 25, 2017

*** The Tin Soldier is intended to be a humorous and entertaining look at issues and events at the University of Waterloo. As such articles should not be taken to represent real events or opinions, and they should not be associated with the University of Waterloo staff or administration in any way. Any similarities to real world events, people or corporations is purely coincidental – or non-coincidental but meant in an entirely joking manner.***


The sun has risen on a beautiful Maine morning. The camera starts HIGH in a tall tree, where a bird is repairing its storm-damaged nest, and pans down from this literal bird’s-eye view to the streets of Rockwell, where stoic New Englanders are doing repairs of their own.

Down the middle of the street comes Hogarth, on a bike. In the wire bike-basket in front of him is a shoebox with holes punched in the lid.

A couple of LOCALS are clearing a felled tree. We hear their conversation as they drift across the screen in Hogarth’s travelling POV.

FIRST LOCAL: Strangest storm I ever seen. Swept away my best iron wheelbarrow. But left the handles behind…

Now Hogarth passes a pair of WOMEN who gossip as they rake up leaves and branches.

FIRST WOMAN: My husband spoke to one of those fishermen this morning. Fellow wouldn’t talk about the shipwreck at all. Said we’d all think he was mad.

SECOND WOMAN: Now what do you think he meant by that?

FIRST WOMAN: Well, I’m sure I don’t know. (lowers her voice) But it wouldn’t surprise me if the communists are involved.


The “Chat `n Chew” diner sits near the docks and the town square: the centre of all social life in the village. Hogarth arrives, at last, and parks his bike. He takes the shoebox out of his bike basket, opens it a little and speaks to whatever is inside.

HOGARTH: Remember — be charming. 


The diner is packed. EVERYBODY is here–FARMERS, FISHERMEN — all swapping storm-stories. It’s LOUD. And there’s no empty table, no place to sit.

Hogarth enters and looks around. He spots Annie, now dressed as a waitress and serving coffee from behind the counter. Hogarth puts on a big smile and waves at her.

HOGARTH: Hey, Mom! You won’t believe our good luck! Look what I found…

He makes his way through the coffee shop to the counter. As he passes by, various local ladies — THE BUSYBODIES — look up from their breakfasts, mouths downcast and eyes half-lidded — ever ready to cast judgement, should the precious opportunity arise.

Hogarth arrives at the counter opens the shoebox for Annie. A baby squirrel pokes its head out. Annie rolls her eyes.

HOGARTH: His tree musta gotten knocked down in the storm! Can I keep him?

ANNIE: Hogarth, we’ve been through this. No pets…

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