What Do Donald Trump and Balloons Have in Common?

Alex Pezzutto - 1A Nano
Posted on: October 7, 2016

With this article, I’d like to take another swing at what has probably been the most dead-beaten horse that has ever existed — Donald J. Trump.

His latest stunt? Admitting to not paying federal tax on national TV.  He purportedly claimed a $916 million net operating loss in the 1990s, which exempted him from paying taxes for nearly two decades. There was, however, no mention of whether the losses were carried forward from previous years, or of their nature. What do I mean by that? The tax on real estate depreciated quite significantly during the 1990s, so even though the prices of his properties may have dropped (and thus gave the facade of lost value) their actual values would’ve remained the same.

Then again, who could blame him? After his previous claims of being worth $10 billion were thoroughly debunked, he may not be financially (or mentally) sound. Forbes’s analysis of his net worth puts him at $3.7 billion, which is down $800 million from last year.

But I’m sure there’s a reasonable explanation for this misunderstanding—maybe he’s counting in “Trump”. You know, the number system where you ridiculously hyperbolize values to inflate your already enormous ego? Like how he was going to build a 50 foot tall wall spanning 2000 miles for $8 billion, when actual estimates put it at around $25 billion (not including annual repair costs)? After all, no one builds walls better than Mr. Trump!

Forgoing the apparent fact that the man doesn’t know how to count, many Trump proponents claim this only puts him in the best position to fix the tax system, due to his experience gaming it. Umm, what? That’s like asking a thief to help fortify banking encryption by giving him or her blanche carte to the entire system, while relying on their moral integrity to not take advantage of said position. I’m sure that’ll turn out well. Because if there’s one thing you can say about Trump, it’s that he certainly isn’t lacking in moral integrity. After all, how can anybody question his ethics when he claims the way to handle terrorists is by going after their families?

For someone who criticizes Hillary for being ineffective in handling ISIS, he sure doesn’t seem to fair any better when questioned about his plans of dealing with them. How intricate are they, you may ask? About as sophisticated as “bombing the sh*t out of them” could get. In his endless rhetoric of wisdom and ingenuity, he goes on to explain his procedure to clean up Iraq and ISIS — “I’ve always said we should’ve just taken their oil.” Right, let’s pretend that the oil belongs to America, and that stealing a resource from a foreign nation doesn’t break a myriad of international laws and would impoverish an entire nation of people that rely on oil production to sustain their economy, and that ISIS’s primary source of funding is oil (which is not even remotely close to the truth). How does he plan on doing this? “Well, you would just leave a certain group behind, and you would take various sections where they have the oil. It used to be to the victor goes the spoils.” Bravo! His attention to logistics and his tacit suggestions of invasions are to be lauded! It’s not like military action hasn’t been tried before in the Middle East. Oh wait….

Anyways, I believe Sam Harris sums up this bombastic, pathological liar best — “You want to know what I think about Trump? Blow up a balloon without tying off the end, hold it up high, and release it, then watch it fly chaotically around the room. That’s Trump’s mind.” At this point, we can only hope that that balloon gets popped before it reaches the White House.