Events, Science & Technology

Canada Continues Plans for Space-Age Domination

Canada is now one step closer in our plans of implementing our very own galactic manifest destiny. To date, Canada has already put 11 astronauts into space, and as of 2009 has had active missions on the international space station. Of these great pioneers, the most recent and memorable has been Chris Hadfield.

Capping off a grand total of 166 days in space, Chris Hadfield has done much to extend Canada’s claim to the great unknown. For 5 months of those 166 days he was commander of the ISS before strategically relinquishing command to Pavel Vinogradov. During his time in space, Commander Hadfield was able to become the first Canadian to perform a spacewalk. However his primary mission, in hopes of winning the hearts and minds of the Canadian population, was to make the perfect music video for David Bowie’s “Space Oddity”.

Regrettably, all great heroes must fall, and Commander Hadfield is no exception. After returning to Earth, the 53 year old Commander Hadfield promptly retired, marking an end to a near perfectly executed propaganda campaign.

Just this week, the Canadian Space Agency announced their new tribune in the effort of expansion,  David Saint-Jacques. Born in Quebec City, Saint-Jacques is a multitalented, decorated, and highly educated individual. Saint-Jacques has his B.Eng. in engineering physics from Ecole Polytechnique de Montreal, Ph.D. in astrophysics from Cambridge University, and finally a M.D. from Université Laval. In addition to this, Saint-Jacques is fluent in English and French and can also converse in Russian, Spanish, and Japanese.

In his acceptance speech, Saint-Jacques is quoted in saying “Today, I stand on the shoulders of all the astronauts who came before me. They inspired me—they were my role models. They sparked my curiosity about space and made me want to experience spaceflight for myself. Space exploration is the next step for humanity, and I am proud to be part of it.”.

All in all, it seems as Canada’s plans for space-age domination are progressing nicely. Excellent.

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