The Other Other Referendum

-
Posted on: April 1, 2016

*** The Tin Soldier is intended to be a humorous and entertaining look at issues and events at the University of Waterloo. As such articles should not be taken to represent real events or opinions, and they should not be associated with the University of Waterloo staff or administration in any way. Any similarities to real world events, people or corporations is purely coincidental – or non-coincidental but meant in an entirely joking manner.***

I sure hope you have heard about The Other Other Referendum. If not, you should really stop studying once in a while and leave your room. If you happen to come to campus on occasion, I am confident in my assumption that you are already aware of the topic which I am addressing. Everyone is talking about it. And I mean EVERYONE. It is an outrage. An absolute outrage. Students, staff, and fellow Canadians everywhere are vehemently protesting the proposal.

One of our correspondents bravely ventured from the cave that is home to our EIC, trekking down the stairs to campus. Take a gander at this transcription of a live interview with one student: “You know, I can kind of see where they are coming…” [At this point, the argument is drowned out as angry students start yelling and screaming. Our correspondent, frightens, runs back up the stairs and slams the office door, out of breath, never to leave the office again.]

It would appear that even some semblance of agreement can be very dangerous. We at the Iron Warrior sincerely hope that our correspondent survives this traumatic experience. Also, the interviewee.

There is no Vote Yes Committee for The Other Other Referendum. Do not be deceived: this is not a matter of proponents’ sense of self-preservation. This is because there are (almost) NO proponents. Apparently, one student felt inclined to respond in the manner stated, but he must have been slightly tipsy. (After all, it was almost 11. He must have had an early lunch that day.)

There is, however, a Vote No Committee. It is rather large, especially compared to The Referendum and The Other Referendum: 30,599 of our 30,600 undergraduate students are on the Vote No Committee. They are advocating with every fibre of their being to convert the remaining undergraduate over to the light side, which is proving more difficult than it would seem at a glance. However, there appears to be progress being made.

Some of the Vote No Committee’s initiatives include: neon flyers posted all over campus (which is why I stated previously that everyone who occasionally leaves their room is aware of the situation—neon flyers posted all over campus can be very difficult to miss unless the student is particularly clueless, especially when they are plastered all over blackboards, whiteboards, all types of boards), stickers handed out at building entrances, petitions passed around in class, debates held in the SLC Great Hall. The debate proved quite insightful since there were only opposition speakers present.

This riveting discussion has been gaining momentum, and is sweeping campus with full force: so full, in fact, that it is overflowing the bounds of Ring Road and flooding into the rest of Ontario. Prime Minister Justin Trudeau aka Bae has actually issued a statement condemning this proposal, tweeting “Undermining the University’s international reputation in this manner is gross and inexcusable. I am disappointed.”

I know that the consequences of passing this referendum will be detrimental to our research and to the future of the students who will leave this institution. I don’t think there is any more I need to say to convince you to Vote No, as the argument speaks for itself. It is outrageous; absolutely outrageous.

If The Other Other Referendum passes, UW will be officially changing its name to “U of W”.

Therefore, I urge you as a matter of utmost importance to Vote No.