Some Bullshit Happens in the Middle East

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Posted on: March 30, 2016

*** The Tin Soldier is intended to be a humorous and entertaining look at issues and events at the University of Waterloo. As such articles should not be taken to represent real events or opinions, and they should not be associated with the University of Waterloo staff or administration in any way. Any similarities to real world events, people or corporations is purely coincidental – or non-coincidental but meant in an entirely joking manner.***

Today saw the latest in a long series of bullshit happening out in some desert. Western leaders reiterated once more that they are sick of all this. There was immediate controversy over whether the bullshit was caused by religion or just assholes who like to f*** shit up.

Several militant groups tried to take credit for the bullshit, but a bunch of politicians blamed people running away from bullshit like that instead. Republican candidates all vowed that they would put a stop to this crap that keeps happening, with Donald Trump calling President Obama a “pansy” and saying that he would be much tougher and do a whole bunch of retaliatory bullshit that would totally solve the problem, like, forever. Ted Cruz said that if he were President, he would carpet bomb the whole fracking place; he later clarified that he had meant precision bombing on all of the carpets, thus crashing the economy of the Middle East.

Other people pointed out that we’ve been through all of this bullshit before, and maybe we should do something different for once or this crap will keep happening. Assholes round the world responded “Nah, we like all this shit that keeps happening, this way we can totally wreck stuff and still feel good about ourselves.”

The Internet won’t shut up about how this same bullshit happened last week, but no one cares unless some shit we care about gets wrecked. Then some people start screaming about FLAGS and won’t stop till they feel self-righteous enough to leave satisfied.

Sometimes it seems like we will never be done with any of this bullshit.