If You Want to Buy Me a Present

Your broke and sleep-deprived EIC - The term that everyone fails
Posted on: March 30, 2016

*** The Tin Soldier is intended to be a humorous and entertaining look at issues and events at the University of Waterloo. As such articles should not be taken to represent real events or opinions, and they should not be associated with the University of Waterloo staff or administration in any way. Any similarities to real world events, people or corporations is purely coincidental – or non-coincidental but meant in an entirely joking manner.***

Yooo get ready for rant number six, because what’s the point of being Editor-in-Chief if you don’t get to rant for 7500 words (or 8000, if you’re good with manipulating spacing). Also, the more tired you are the better if you ever need to get some extra words, even though that usually isn’t the problem. Usually there are too many words going on…

Let me tell you about school at UW. Some people say that university is the best years of your life. LOOOOOOL. Ahh, the things that make me laugh. Not haha laughing, but hysterical “I have four labs due in the next two days” laughing. Joke is on you, if that’s the reason you applied here. Let me give you a more accurate summary of what you are experiencing right now, without using the 9GAG “it’s fine” meme, or the “riding a bike in hell” line. Also please don’t let me near any innocent Grade 12s: we will let them experience the fun for themselves.

School is an endless cycle of one problem aggravating another, and I hope you can relate to the following so I’m not actually the only one.

1. I can’t get a job because I don’t have experience, can’t get experience because I don’t have a job. ALSO, I can’t get experience because I’m in school at the moment and who has time for Hackathons or personal projects. The only experience I get is when I’m on co-op, which obviously can’t help me when I’m in school.

2. Can’t focus because I’m stressed, I’m stressed because I can’t focus.

3. I can’t get any work done because I’m tired because I didn’t get any sleep last night and I can’t sleep tonight because I didn’t get any work done because I’m tired…

4. I’m broke because I buy food at SLC or the plaza every day, which stresses me out because I don’t have any money, but I don’t go grocery shopping because I don’t have any time because I am studying and it makes me want to eat more so I buy more food and get more broke and get more stressed and continue to convince myself that I don’t have time to go grocery shopping and I’m not sure if this is still a cycle or I’m just rambling because I’m hungry right now and just want to go watch Tasty videos on Facebook.

Continuing with the food topic:

I once said that the only thing I want for my birthday is groceries, because birthday presents in general are stupid and I really don’t need anything else (besides a 95 average and a job at Google). So, if you were ever interested in buying me a birthday present and because I am currently in some stage of cycle number 4, I thought I would make it easy for you. Here is my grocery list:

Chicken

Bread

Peanut butter

LOTS of granola bars

Lettuce

Apples

M&Ms

Yogurt

Muffins

Pasta

Hummus

Carrots

Broccoli (you know broccoli is really good with hummus? I bet you didn’t know that because what kind of normal person eats raw broccoli and hummus on their study breaks?)

And now for the best part:

Oreo ice cream

Turtles ice cream (must be from Safeway!)

Some other kind of ice cream

All items may be dropped off under the E5 bridge. Like, where the pizza delivery guy seems to think the entrance to E2 is. Can someone please tell him that he’s standing outside E3? And can everyone walking by please stop giving him false information?

Much appreciated.

XOXO,

Your broke and sleep-deprived EIC