Humour

Cooking With Cam: Pretty-Decent Pancakes

Note: This article is hosted here for archival purposes only. It does not necessarily represent the values of the Iron Warrior or Waterloo Engineering Society in the present day.

Hello friends, welcome back to Cooking with Cam, the column were I teach you to make gourmet meals on a student budget. This time, I bring you a delicious and surprisingly robust recipe for Canada’s favourite breakfast item, maple-syrup covered pancakes. They’re delicious because who doesn’t love maple syrup, and I know they’re robust because of the semi-chaotic experimentation I do to the recipe every time I make them.

As always, my three golden rules remain active: every part of a meal can and should be substituted instead of bought, from the “secret ingredient” to the “primary constituent”; if what went into it was edible, what comes out can also be made edible; and measuring cups are a tool invented by the supreme corporate oligarchy to suppress creativity.

Baking is a very challenging form of cooking, and should only be undertaken by confident chefs-in-training who can consistently make excellent meals while adhering perfectly to the golden rules. I recommend that such individuals making their first foray into the field of baking take the time to pre-assess their ingredient stores, and perhaps consult a recipe. In this first attempt, it is encouraged that one make use of traditional-format recipes, using them to get an idea of the approximate proportions of each ingredient. It is important, however, to quickly leave this stage before the ingredient lists become a crutch.

As a seasoned chef, I have no such need of recipes, so I headed straight to the kitchen intent on making what I believe some sorely-misguided people refer to as “flapjacks.” To start, I rummaged through my pantry to find items that would be suitable for inclusion in my breakfast. Since baking, unlike cooking, occurs in two distinct steps of mixing and heating, it is strongly advisable that you try and get all the ingredients out ahead of time, though if you forget, the meal will of course still be salvageable. My search yielded me the following materials: all-purpose flour, vanilla extract, cinnamon, baking soda, white vinegar, egg, butter, salt, and sugar.

Next, I got my largest bowl and began to add the dry ingredients. I wanted to make enough pancakes to last for two days, so I started with about three avalanches of flour out of the container; it seemed to be around twice as much flour as I would comfortably admit to eating in a single sitting. I shook some sugar on top of that. As the two were the same colour, I could not accurately keep track of how much sugar had been added, so I just decided on six seconds of moderate shaking. The cinnamon came next, to offer some contrast allowing me to track my other cocaine-mimicking ingredients. I added only a small amount of salt, since baking soda itself tastes salty, and less baking soda than you might expect since baking soda, being pure, is much more potent than magic baking powder. I used a spoon to mix all the ingredients until the cinnamon was uniformly dispersed.

I stowed my dry ingredients, then went to work on the wet. My first attention was on the butter, fresh out of the fridge. I decided that it would be better melted — chopping it would lead to flakey pancakes — so I put it in a small bowl under a paper towel in the microwave. It was at this time I remembered that pancakes needed to be cooked, so I put a pan on the stovetop at medium heat.

Into my main bowl went two eggs, a splash of vanilla extract, and two splashes of vinegar. It became immediately clear to me that I needed substantially more wet ingredients, so I got some milk from the fridge. After adding the milk, I stirred it all up and found that there was still some dry flour when I scraped the sides of the bowl. Two more additions of milk (less each time) resulted in a batter that I would describe as “like pancake batter,” which is an amazingly convenient metric to use when making pancakes. Next I needed to batter the pan, so I went in search of the paper towel I had used to cover the butter as it generally still has useable butter on it. I found the paper towel still in the microwave with the now-liquid butter. After adding the butter to the batter and remixing, I wiped first the butter bowl and then the pan with the paper towel.

Cooking the pancakes is easy, so I won’t bother with that part. Instead, I have a brief recipe for making syrup since, have you ever looked? Stuff is crazy-expensive. Instead of wasting good money on what is essentially tree-blood, specifically the tree-blood that has been stagnant in the tree’s feet all winter, put sugar, water, and vanilla extract into a pot. Put they pot on high and keep it uncovered. Whenever a batch of pancakes are done, put them on a plate and pour part of the contents of your pot on top. Voila! Easy pancakes with syrup.

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