Did you know that, as a Canadian, you are entitled to receive a copy of the Charter of Rights and Freedoms, or a picture of the Queen? The government provides every Canadian certain items which display “Canadian heritage” at no charge. An infinitesimally small portion of your taxes goes towards it, so you might as well claim what you have already paid for.
Portraits of the Royal Couple
Three different portraits are available. You may receive a portrait of a) Her Majesty, Elizabeth the Second, by the Grace of God, Queen of the United Kingdom, Canada, and Her Other Realms and Territories, Defender of the Faith, wearing badges in her capacity as Sovereign of the Order of Canada and the Order of Military Merit of Canada, or b) the Queen’s spouse, His Royal Highness, Prince Philip, Duke of Edinburgh, or c) a portrait presenting the Queen and her husband together. All of the portraits have a Canadian flag in the background.
Electronic versions of these are available from the website of the Department of Canadian Heritage. You may also order a printed copy by writing a letter to the State Ceremonial and Protocol Directorate, Department of Canadian Heritage, or alternatively by calling 1-800-O-CANADA (622-6232). Shipping is free.
The use of royal portraits for commercial purposes is forbidden, and you are not to use them on adhesives, clothing, household linens, boxes, or labels.
Documents Outlining Our Rights
Are you afraid that the government will take our rights away? Worry no further. The same government offers to mail you copies of documents which tell you what rights you have, a piece of paper which will surely come in handy when the secret police come for you.
Documents available include the Charter of Rights and Freedoms (i.e. the first 34 sections of the 1982 Constitution of Canada), the Canadian Bill of Rights (Statutes of Canada 1960, c. 44), the Universal Declaration of Human Rights, several other United Nations documents regarding the rights of women, children, and other traditionally disadvantaged groups, and reports made by Canada to the UN.
These may be ordered from the Human Rights Program of the Department of Canadian Heritage. Call 1-866-811-0055, email droits-rights@pch.gc.ca, or mail a letter. You must have a Canadian mailing address to avail yourself of this offer. Shipping is free.
Flags
There are five flags flown from the parliament buildings in Ottawa, one of which is flown from the Peace Tower. The Peace Tower flag is exchanged every weekday, while the other four flags are exchanged once a week. Old flags are mailed to a Canadian who has requested it. If you wish to obtain a flag, you may request one by email, fax, or mail to Public Works and Government Services Canada. Supplies, needless to say, are limited. It is first-come, first-serve, and there are already some 15,000 people on the waiting list. A flag you order today will be mailed to you in approximately 40 years. If you specifically request a flag which has flown from the Peace Tower, the wait is even longer: about 55 years. If you move before then, you must contact Public Works again to give them your new address. Otherwise, some lucky household is going to get your flag.
Again, shipping is free. To order a flag, you must be living in Canada (or rather, you must plan to be living in Canada in the 2050s or 2060s, and you must hope the Parliament of Canada does not change its policy for flying, exchanging, or delivering flags in the intervening decades).
Due to the supply shortage, only one flag is allowed per household. If someone in your family has already ordered a flag, your request for a flag could be turned down.
(Shout-out to Mike Laanvere, former staff writer for the Iron Warrior, who requested a portrait of the Queen and showed us all during the end-of-term barbecue last year. Oh, and congrats on receiving your degree!)
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