Co-op students! What drew you to the co-op program? Was it the glossy brochures? The speakers at marketing events? Talking to current co-op students when you were just considering about coming to Waterloo? And they told you it was what they loved most? That can be attributed to the thorough brainwashing, through in-person and online resources, as well as a thorough presence in the social media.
Propaganda… brainwashing… evil idealism–these are the key elements of something far greater: terrorism. The reality is, CECS (pronounced C-ISIS), commonly known by their other less sinister-sounding acronym, CECA, is in fact a subset of a well-known, badly feared terrorist organization: ISIS.
It’s no surprise the system is a scam then. According to the United Nations, there is in fact only one job for every hundred students enrolled in the CECS/C-ISIS/CECA program. Those judged unworthy are left hanging. And those that are worthy? Nine out of every ten find themselves in a job in frozen hell–they are worked half to death for slave’s wages, or they are bored out of their minds.
Like ISIS, CECS/CECA, a.k.a. CECS/C-ISIS/CECA, claims that their deeds are for the greater good. They truly believe that their acts of terror are helping people. Those who chose not to follow? Failure, and in extreme cases, severe illness and/or death, are their fate. The CECS/C-ISIS/CECA rewards those who share the faith and spread the C-ISIS cr-ISIS. The rewards are even greater for those that eliminate or terminate non-followers.
Despite their extensive efforts, many can’t get jobs through the CECS/C-ISIS/CECA. This leads to loss of touch with the faith. As a double agent and a non-follower, I believe the best course of action for us is to lie low.
(Pretend to) Worship the CECS/C-ISIS/CECA. CECS/C-ISIS/CECA is very powerful and they have very powerful friends. To cross them is unwise. It is pointless to resist C-ISIS. C-ISIS will find you. C-ISIS has you on Facebook. They Snapchat often. Twitter is their favourite. Watch out for @CECS/CECA with the following you-know-what’s: #YourNextStep, #Believe, #CareerImpact #AdvanceYourCareer, etc.
C-ISIS knows where you live. They know where you work. They know who is faithful and who is not. They are always vigilant—hence the onslaught of threatening emails: “If you don’t give your job a score of 10 out of 10 right now, we will ship you to Syria to fight for ISIS”.
UW Mental Health Services estimates that the recent influx of extreme fear and anxiety is possibly related to CECS/C-ISIS/CECA processes (i.e. Jobmine)…
***WAIT! WHAT IS HAPPENING! HELP ME! LEAVE ME ALONE!***
Give us the laptop NOW! (Hands over laptop. Author is handed airline ticket to Syria).
Student: Your flight leaves in one hour. Armed personnel will escort you to your flight. You have the right to remain silent. Keep in mind that anything you say can and will be used against you. Anything against the faith will result in slow and painful termination. Nod to indicate your understanding.
Please do not believe anything that has been published here. It has not been approved by the C-ISIS propaganda minister and is therefore illegal. Freedom of Speech is not a fundamental principle of the CECS/C-ISIS/CECA. Each and every human being in the CECS/C-ISIS/CECA program is extremely fortunate and should thank the C-ISIS and ISIS each and every day for this opportunity in their lives.
And indeed, followers are most fortunate:
A recent survey indicates that those who “strongly agreed” with the statement: “C-ISIS is the Almighty Lord High Muckety-Muck Grand Poom-Bah King Kong God” lead happy and rewarding day-to-day lives. Visit the Holy Tatham Centre at least once a day to find peace with your inner self and become one with the faith. We are C-ISIS and we are here to help you find your place in this world.
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